Hi everybody,
I lost my beloved dad four months ago to cancer.
I’m struggling to cope with life as it is now. I’m trying to be patient with myself and allow myself to feel what I’m feeling but I’m finding it incredibly frustrating as I feel so tired and don’t want to do anything, yet I’m so bored and lonely. I know that if I do do something (even as simple as going outside to put something in the shed) I feel a bit better, so why don’t I help myself? Some days I will just sit in my pyjamas all day!
I have hundreds of books I want to read, yet feel like reading none. I HATE having to cook for myself every night, it feels such an effort. I don’t work as I feel physically and mentally unable to hold down a job. I deferred my University course when Dad was really poorly and don’t feel like I want to go back in September (to be honest I didn’t really like the course anyway).
I feel like I want to meet people and make new friends but I simply don’t have the energy - yet, I am so lonely! None of it makes sense.
My husband works away for long periods overseas so I spend a lot of time alone. I don’t have any friends in this town, and most of my immediate family live 45 minutes away (admittedly this isn’t a great distance). Usually I would stay with my mom at least once a week but due to recent circumstances I haven’t seen her as much.
Just feel crap all round. I am still finding it hard to believe my dad has gone. I know it’s early days but when does it sink in?!
My heart goes out to you all on here who are struggling.
Lots of love xxx
Dear Sheila,
Thank you so much for your lovely, comforting message. I am so sorry for your loss.
Like you, my concentration is totally shot and watching a film seems like a huge commitment! I’ve always been forgetful and a bit scatty but some days I can barely string a sentence together.
I keep having to remind myself that what I’m going through is a BIG deal. I have always been hard on myself but now is the one time that I need to stop being mean to myself and just be gentle and kind.
My husband has an interesting work arrangement. He works in Indonesia for 6-8 weeks then is flown home for for 3-4 weeks. There is a possibility I may be able to live there with him but it all depends on another staff member leaving. I am open to the idea of living there, I suppose we will just have to wait and see.
A little over a month before dad passed my now-husband proposed to me. We planned the wedding in two weeks flat because dad had just been diagnosed with brain tumours and I wanted him to be there. He did so well, he managed to stay out all day and did a lovely speech <3 Precious memories to treasure.
I have committed to going for a run with a local group tonight, I am looking forward to it.
Thanks again,
Rosie
Hi Daffodil, I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling, like you I lost my Dad too and life is never going to be the same again, Dad died 9 months ago and it still feels like yesterday, I wake in the night and I’m right back in that hospital room and it’s horrible, I like you are finding it hard, the days are easier when I’m at working cause I have that to think about and it’s quite a busy job, it’s the days I’m not working that I find hard, I just end up sitting around all day not getting anything done and then hating myself for wasting another day of my life, I know my Dad would hate to see me like this he always enjoyed listening to my adventures and not having him to tell about them makes them pointless in some way. I’m praying that in time I find better ways of dealing with the massive hole he has left, in the mean time we have to keep reminding ourselves how much our Dad’s loved us and with them watching over us we can achieve anything, take care x x