Struggling to process there gone

My brother died October 2023 biologically he’s my uncle but I was raised by my Nan so I see him as a brother.

Me and him didn’t see eachother much before he died as he was on end of life stages with copd. I am being tested for endometriosis and I live over a hour away from him on bus because I don’t drive so I didn’t see my family as much as I used to. My brother and me argued about this multiple times. We also argued as I accused him of favouring my sister since I was little

My sister and Nan got me arrested for somthing I didn’t do days before my brother died and police officers told me to stay completely away from her otherwise I could be in trouble and if she contacts me the same goes. I told my brother this via text same day that if somthing was to happen I couldn’t go funeral as I had asked officer and they said don’t go.

I deleted the message before he read this. But a couple days later he died. He died the date I started my 1st day at a new job at greggs. I was rudely informed by text he was dead by my Nan. I was invited to the funeral but I couldn’t go because of being arrested. My family said because there wasn’t a restraining order I should/could of still gone so in retaliation of my absence they cut me out all pictures used during his service despite telling me they did (my cousin made the service videos and showed me to help my mood not realising I wasn’t in it at all but my sister was 10+ times. Because of this all I’ve been disowned by a lot of my family

Since finding out he’s dead I visited the headstone (he shares a headstone with my dad who died when I was four I’m now twenty one but my brother was cremated my dads buried) once on my own as i thought it would cause too many issues to have my partner with me as the family don’t like him. I have had an issue processing mentally he’s dead. I haven’t been dealing with it every time I try I uncontrollably cry for a while or I just can’t think about it. I haven’t got my family to grieve with me I’ve had to grieve alone

I tried to hold that job down but stress made my suspected endometriosis symptoms worse as in a week I got arrested for the first time ever alone My brother died and I started that job all within 4 days apart. Im just struggling to process he’s gone and deal with it

Hello @Armson ,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your brother that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,