@Mourningbird
Yes, most definitely. I’m feeling that this could be the start of a new journey, with people who all share a bond.
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@Mourningbird
That is exactly how I feel !
Like the more things of his are still here the more he’s still with me. But now you’ve pointed that out, I’ll do the same. Need to get it out of temptations way. Still early stages yet but I’m an organiser and need a plan. Feel useless if I just drift about. He ordered plants and bulbs to be delivered throught the summer, for me to put in and keep me busy. He knew I couldn’t let a living thing die. I’m greatful for the time we had, 30ys. Feel him with me and speak to him a lot. X
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Yes @Cindy2, I’m finding it very hard to let go of his possessions, but I only have one more month at the house and then I’m going away for six months, so having a deadline has made me get on with it. I’m glad because I would probably hang onto things a lot longer otherwise.
I’ve donated some things to a charity for homeless people, which felt like a good thing to do. And he had some specialist sporting equipment that I’ve given away to friends and acquaintances who will really treasure it, and who then made donations to a fundraiser his brother started, so it feels like it’s having a positive impact, at least.
It doesn’t bring him back, but I feel better knowing that his death wasn’t meaningless and that it can do some good for someone who needs help 
It’s lovely that your partner has you growing things - I imagine it feels like it’s something you’re doing together. I must admit, I envy you those 30 years. My time with my partner was so brief. But I suppose we’re the lucky ones, to have experienced that kind of love at all x
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@Mourningbird
Yes we had a long time together. It wasn’t all roses though ! He was a builder so I’ve got lots and lots of tools, l could start a hire company 
You’re so lucky getting away from it . That’s what i used to say all the time, " I want to run away" . I’ll give it to his friends at somepoint, he has lots who’ve been great. I’m not rushing into anything, I know I need the time to grieve and let go when it’s the right time. I hope it’s warm where you’re going, as the sun can make life a little better . Keep in touch, on here if you’d like to. We were indeed very lucky to have had their love x
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We are the lucky ones to have found our soulmates , I had over 24 years with mine and I know I am blessed to have had that time , fills me with dread I could have more than that again left to live without her though x
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I know, I can’t cope with thinking too far into the future. Just trying to focus on getting through the next minute/ hour/ day.
I wrote in my journal the other day that the worst thing about death is that it doesn’t f*cking end.
That’s what I’m finding the hardest to cope with - that this is just life now and he’s not in it. I’m not ready to accept that. I think a part of me is still looking for him/ waiting for him to come back.
So when it all gets too much and the feelings are too big, I listen to my breathing and ride the wave until it passes, because there’s no alternative. I’m told that eventually it will get easier, so I just have to keep breathing until then.
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That’s how I feel at the moment , just got to keep breathing, it’s sooo hard sometimes though 
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It is. But you’ve got this. Deep inhales, long exhales - repeat, repeat, repeat 
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