I know this will probably sound very selfish , as I have 2 kids aged 23 & 18 , having lost my wife just over 2 weeks ago after 24 years together , I’m really struggling to carry on without her . Every part of me just wants to go and be with her , even though I know the devastation it would cause the kids , as I said it sounds so selfish . I’ve never known pain like this and can’t believe I took the life we had together for granted and I just want to be with her again . Has anyone else felt like this and managed to move forward in any way ?
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No, it isn’t selfish at all. 8 weeks today for me since he went. A couple of days ago I hit rock bottom, too. I visited a local beauty spot and planned how I would end it all. Then I cried and cried for a hour in the cold. I do have a Plan B, but I dont think I could do that to my daughter (21). Where would it all end, perhaps she would take her life because I did, then her boyfriend might do the same? If I didnt have her, Steve’s funeral would definately have been a double one, no doubt about that. You know how your kids would feel, and how they’d have to go through another funeral, too.
Tomorrow is another day. If it isn’t easier then the day after might be. That’s what we have to keep telling ourselves. I think we all feel as you do sometimes. I hope this helps you a little.
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@Dino13 it is still very early days for you, and these feelings of wanting to join your wife are not unusual. However please try and hang on in there for your children.
Today is the 6 months anniversary of my wife’s death, having been diagnosed with lymphoma in Dec 20. We have two adult daughters, 33 and 30, who were devastated by their mother’s passing. At one point I apologised to our youngest that I wasn’t her mum. She later sent me a card saying I couldn’t be her mum and “to keep waking up and choosing us”, so I will keep going for them and I am sure your children would say something similar.
Keep checking on to this site, everyone understands the feelings you are going through and are here for support.
Take care…Pete
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I don’t think there is a single person on here who hasn’t felt like this. All I wanted to do was to go to sleep and not to wake up for a long time. I also have a family and despite times of thinking they would be better off without me (again, I think we all feel that at times) you do have to take a step back and think how would I feel if one of them took that path? It is not easy. It is the hardest thing you will ever have to go through in your life - but you are not alone. Please keep doing on here, it has been my lifeline.
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Thanks , I have found this place to be a lifeline , simply seeing others are (unfortunately) going through similar situations , makes me feel not so alone with my thoughts .
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Thanks , That’s lovely , wake up and keep choosing us is definitely something I could see my kids saying .
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Thanks , the fact that it would destroy my daughter especially is what keeps me getting up each day . We’ve not even been able to have the funeral yet due to her being sent for a post mortem , god knows how I will feel after that .
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We had to wait over 5 weeks til the funeral because of the PM, it was pretty hard and towards the end of that time I was getting more and more wound up. First, I felt better after seeing him in the morgue then I felt a little better when I visited him in the funeral home (×5). Ultimately the day was very tough but filled with love and the crem was packed with friends having to stand outside. It was a fitting tribute to him.
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I’m so sorry to hear about boyfriend and how you’re feeling. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really upset, but you are looking for support and I am glad you have been able to talk about how you’re feeling here on the community.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @SadGirlfriend, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team
I know it’s the waiting around feeling even more helpless while waiting for the post mortem to be done , then can at least have the funeral . Although a lot of people have said you feel worse after the funeral , can’t imagine feeling worse than I do now 
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@Dino13
Hi, so sorry for your loss.
It’s just constant sadness.
I do honestly feel your pain. I’m 4 weeks into this painful journey. I’m desperately hoping to connect on here with people on the same path. Have a 19yr old to care for, so have to go on.
Sorry for your loss , it’s horrible isn’t it , only reason I’m going on is my 23 & 18 year old kids , had so many plans for the future with my wife , now just exist until I can go be with her again .
@Dino13
Yes, so many plans. Now we both have to make them in a different way. I’ve got my 19 yr old and our dog, without them, I’d be on my knees . Greatful that you’ve reached out to me. It’s good to have a shoulder.
I’m four months in and I still feel like this a lot of the time - I just want to be where he is.
I don’t have any children but the thought of what it would do to my parents is enough to stop me acting on it. Sometimes I resent them for the fact that I have to go on living for their sake, but in a way I guess they’re saving my life.
Hopefully one day I’ll be able to feel gratitude for that - and I wish the same for you 
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Agree , only slight comfort I have at the moment is that I’m not alone in feeling this way x
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@Mourningbird
Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your parents will be devastated if it were you. Please try to be nice to yourself. I know the loss you have to bear is so great. Look to the happy times you had together and what he would want you to do now. The only thing you can do is to carry on and keep his memory alive, he wouldn’t want you to be miserable. I’m sure. Try to find a small bit of peace everywhere. So so sorry for your loss.
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7 weeks today that I lost my husband. And I still don’t know how to go on without him. I keep thinking how easy it would be to end it all, so I can be with him. But I know how upset he would be with me for doing that. We didn’t have children, but am very close with my parents. The thought if what it would do to them, plus my brother, sister in law and young niece and nephew is what keeps me going.
Stay strong, and visit this site a lot. I find it truly does help to realise their are people who do understand
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Thank you, and I’m very sorry for yours too. I’m glad we have somewhere to share all this 
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@Mel1978
Hi, yes. The thought has gone through my mind too. I’m so glad I have found this place to speak to like minded people. You know how and why I feel the overwhelming sence of loss. You still have people who care desperately about you. Every day you get through is a milestone, it’s easy to give in . He’d want you to carry on and try to make a life of sorts. I’m definitely coming here again as I’ll need the help and hope you’ve all give me, without knowing it. X
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Thank you @Mel1978 and I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I had the same thing. In the end I just put it all in a bag and dropped it at the pharmacy for disposal.
It was harder than I expected. Felt like I was giving a piece of him away, but I had to tell myself that all the parts of him that really matter will never go away.
And it was something practical I could do, sorting through it. I’m glad it’s not in the house anymore x
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