Ten months today I lost my best friend. Ten months. For me, however, it feels like only yesterday.
I had a hospital appointment today, my health isn’t the best. She would be sat next to me, and she wasn’t.
Why when you feel poorly, is mum the one person you want to make you feel better?
They told me my blood pressure is Sky High, I need to try and relax? Ha!
Today has been hard, so hard. I’ve just had a mammoth ugly crying session over the fact I just want a mum cuddle. How silly is that? I’m 42 for god’s sake.
I had feelings earlier of wanting to die, to go and be with her. But I also know that if I turn up to heaven she’d be waiting at the gates angry at me for doing that. She’d hate me for giving up on myself, she never gave up on me.
But grief is just awful, it’s tearing me apart. Staying strong all the time is exhausting.
Sorry for the rant, but I just needed to put into words how rubbish today has been. I miss my mum. 
Hello, staying strong all the time is not necessary. No one expects you to be so, except maybe yourself. Real strength is mustering the courage to let go. Letting go of the anxieties for the future and the guilt of not having been the perfect son or daughter. Our mums have given us the opportunity to live a full life. I believe we owe it to them to live it to the fullest of our ability. My heart goes out to you.
@MowgliGirl82
I lost my mum 7 months ago and I know exactly how you are feeling.
All I long for is a cuddle from her & for her to tell me everything will be OK, some days the grief overwhelms me.
I have also been diagnosed with high blood pressure and heart palpitations due to stress and anxiety due to my mums sudden and unexpected death.
Sorry for going on a bit but it’s nice to have somewhere to express my feelings for the first time.
Sending you love and hugs xx
@Lexilou This is the ideal place for us to let out those feelings. Because everyone on here is going through grief. Whether it’s recent or not. It’s good because grief is different for everyone, and I can relate to so many people on here.
I suffered with anxiety long before I lost my mum. It’s awful before you add the grief on top.
Losing a mother is something you can’t describe to anyone who hasn’t been through it in some aspect. I knew the day would come when I lost mine, but I did not think it would knock me off my feet the way it has.
Take each day as it comes, some good, some bad, but you need to feel it, grief is the price we pay for love. Stay strong lovely, as best you can. 
Hello have you ever thought of trying counselling? I have my first session in 3 weeks. Something I didn’t think I would need but I do now.