I have been awake staring at my celling for what feels like a lifetime… Tossing turning every night this last week but this has been its worst. I’ve had a pretty hard day today, my kids were just really naughty and didn’t listen to any thing I said to them so I did take 5mins out of the day to have to myself and have a cry because I just feel like a complete failure today… All I’ve wanted to do is just stay in bed but if course I have 2 little ones so that’s not an option, I didn’t get everything done that I wanted too today because I just feel so exhausted, I have a bedroom to get ready and again just zero motivation to do it… I just really want a hug right now and the only person I want it off is the person whose not here… I really hate this pain… I have no friends, only my partner I have and I just constantly feel like a burden to him and my children… Every thi g just feels so dark and black, I feel like I’m an emtpy shell just walking around… 
Hi Blue00 first I am so sorry that you are bereaved. I too am bereaved. I also don’t have the energy or motivation to tackle jobs needing done around the house. I do want to get things done but don’t have the energy. It’s a cat I’ve got to look after. If it wasn’t for her I don’t know what I would do for distraction from my situation. Although she does hear me crying 
I’m sure. It was my daughter I lost. She was 43 years old. She left 2 teenagers behind. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose a loving husband and have to cope arojnd the children who have also lost their dad. And this lockdown isn’t helping. But please god we will find resources within us that we didn’t know we had to help us cope with our situations. Sending love and best healing wishes to you and your family. Mags.xx
I’m so so sorry for the loss of your daughter and leaving 2 teenagers behind, is just heart breaking! Sending massive hugs your way right now! The house work will always be there for us to catch up on, we all have our bad days, I wish more than ever we didn’t but that means we wouldn’t be human. A lot of people tell me that in time it gets easier, I would just like to know when as of right now I don’t see hope at the end of my tunnel, just complete darkness. Sending lots of love your way and massive massive hugs xxx
Hi My Father and Best friend passed away about 3 years now and l have my Mum who now l see as my best friend and Parent l look after her as any Son would you have to be strong and take the lead
I am a Carer soon to be promoted to Senior Carer a Resident died today, and l love her l held her hand and helped her as she passed
The Senior on duty just saw her a few minutes before l discovered she died l saw her go, and l did not cry l kissed her on the head and said my good byes to the dead Lady
The Senior cried l had to console her too it’s seems heartless not to cry l felt pain and people get over things
Hi Blue00
I wake most days about 3-3.15, and working full time is beginning to take its toll. I just want a hug from my Steve who passed away last January, the nights and weekends are worse, I’m very lonely.
Hi Pam53
It is like a silent internal alarm that just goes off and bang! awake. I can never get to sleep before 2am then wake around 2 hours later. Lie in bed and just ache for my husband to be by my side. In addition to sending him emails giving him updates, I now send myself texts but the messages are pleas really asking him to come back to me. I struggle every day with only a slight intermission when my son visits or I have to look after our little grandson.
Like all of us I just do not want this life and wonder what I have done to deserve such a terrible punishment.
Oh Sheila I’m so sorry you feel like this. When did your husband pass away.
Hi Pam53
He was killed in a road traffic accident in September. Died before I got to the hospital. Could not bear to see him so son did the ID. Spoke to him at the lunch-time and then three hours later he was gone. The accident took my life that day.
Grandson was only 9 months - my husband absolutely adored him. I continue only for our kids and grandson.
Sheila
That’s absolutely tragic Sheila. Devastating. My grandson was born 12th January and my husband passed away 16th January.
Dear Pam53
I am so sorry. Life is so cruel. Do you get to see your grandson? My son and his partner are both key workers so I have gave up work to look after him. My husband had promised them he would be the child-minder so I cannot let them down.
Sheila
Oh bless you Sheila, that’s a lovely legacy Knowing you have taken over ur husband’s child care duties. I don’t c my grandson to often but I see my 3 granddaughters regular ad they are my support bubble.
I totally understand, lack of sleep, flashbacks and trying to work a full time job whilst isolated in lockdown does take its toll.
You’re right, I’m the same, a hug and to hear my partners voice again would help so much but I know that can never happen.
Hopefully soon people can meet up. I’m hoping there are some bereavement groups I can attend b
I lost my husband to Covid last April, my Father had died in March from cancer, so 5 weeks between them. I also lost a friend in September to cancer, her treatment had been cancelled so I count it as a Covid death. I am in the house now with my dog and he is deaf. I was also hospitalised with Covid in April and was very lucky to survive, however I am suffering with a number of additional medical issues due to Covid (asthma, high blood pressure, exzema, ruptered Gall Bladder, vision issues, worsening diabetes, nodule in lung) as well as headaches, joint pains, daily bad fatigue, no taste or smell still !, etc… I had a fall on Friday and was taken to hospital as I was briefly knocked out. As I have trouble breathing, as part of the testing, they have also diagnosed mutiple clots in both lungs. I cant cope without my husband or Dad being around to talk to. I have spoken more in the last 3 days than in the entire year but there is no one personally I can talk to about my grief and loneliness without upsetting them My sister has been wonderful with physical support such as shopping and helping with my dog, but she has also lost her Dad and my husband and she is a care manager and has four children to look after. I still get nightnares and flashbacks so have trouble sleeping and am constantly fighting something healthwise, which does not help my medical issues. Has anyone had counselling that lasted more the 3 telephones calls or suggestions? I feel so much despair it is a permanent physical pain. 
Hi Angie
You poor thing, that’s tragic. I had one phone call and it was useless.
There is telephone counselling through Sue Ryder as well as other organisations but depends on where you live in the UK.
I had to fight for 6 months to get any support through the NHS but have now been diagnosed with PTSD through Psychological Services but have been on a waiting list for 4 months and no idea when I’ll recieve any treatment- the nightmares and flashbacks are the worst, sorry not much help but you are not alone in your grief and suffering