I lost my partner suddenly two years ago.
I have struggled with the many changes that that has brought to my life and struggled with my partner no longer being here. I am no longer the same person I was when he was here.
I found support through one of my brothers. Unfortunately this brother was extremely troubled and confided a lot in me about not wanting to be alive and plans he had about what he wanted and how he was going to end his life.
I thought I was helping him through it.
Unfortunately he chose to end his life without giving me a final chance to try talk him out of it a couple of months ago.
The rest of my family are incredibly struggling with my brothers death.
I was not surprised, yet still saddened and obviously wish things were different.
I just feel empty, all the time. I’m ticking through each day just waiting for the days to reset. I’ve barely cried, I rarely get emotional over anything anymore, I feel like the initial death of my partner broke something in me that means I’m now not able to feel what I should about my brothers suicide. I know that there isn’t exactly a ‘normal’ way to be, but I also know that this isn’t it. Has anyone been like this or have any advice?
Hello @J1997,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling empty. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner and your brother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
You might also find the following helpful
- Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide offer support to people over 18 who have been affected by suicide. They have a supportline on 0300 111 5065 and run support groups nationally.
- Support after Suicide has a list of local and national support.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hi am Bee23,
I am so very sorry for your double loss. Losing your partner was hard enough, bless you, without your brother as well. We all struggle when are loved ones pass away. That is natural.
When I lost my husband of 50 years, a year ago, I was sure I wouldn’t survive on my own. I cried, but that is my release valve. I never shed a tear when my parents died in 2011 and 2016. I had cancer at the time.
My advice would be to accept how you feel without questioning it. Cry if your body wants to cry, go with your body. No way is right or wrong at these times. Please try to eat well, sleep as well as you can, I do relate to that. If possible get outside, even if it is only the garden or local park. If you think it would help you please reach out for counselling. This might unlock your grief pain. Also please remember it wasn’t your fault what happened to your brother, you helped him by letting him talk. He made his decision, hard as it is for those of us that are left. You could try closing your eyes and putting your hand on your heart and say your goodbyes to your brother as you would like to have done. I’ve tried this.
It can be powerful or it might do nothing.
My thoughts are with you. Keep reaching out, don’t lock yourself away.
Kind regards
Bee23