Struggling with my husbands death which was 7weeks ago, I find I have to be doing something, I can’t sit down and just relax. My house is the cleanest it’s every been, I’m doing it every day at the moment, is this normal? Xx
If it’s your normal then I imagine it is. I don’t think there is any one normal, or even any abnormal, in these circumstances. Having a clean and tidy house is as far removed from my normal as you can get.
I also find it difficult to just sit and relax so I just walk and then walk some more.
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Nothing is never normal again, I also lost my husband 7 weeks ago wander from room to room, nights the worst. House is quite. Joined the gym and spend most days there. Miss him so much as you must to, xx
I do so much, we were married for 23 years, half my life. my sister is staying with me at the moment as I can’t bare to be in the house myself at nite, my husband and I use to always talk about what happened during the day before we went to sleep and have a cuddle, I miss that so much xxx
Hello Angie, What you have written has really hit a cord with me. I am exactly the same, I just can’t relax, got to keep busy.
I think its a way of avoiding thinking about things but it does wear you out…
7 weeks is such a short time since you dear husbands death, and I am so sorry for your loss.
Its just over a year for me, and I am still chasing around, I try not to be on my own for long, always going somewhere with someone or doing the dreaded cleaning.
I think its probably the “normal” for you and I at this moment in time. Hopefully we will eventually find some peace and allow ourselves time to just relax, I’m hoping so.
You are definitely not alone ~ sending you best wishes Elaine
Thank you for your kind words Elaine x
My partner died just under four weeks ago and the funeral is tomorrow.
I cannot sit still, just wander around, walk and walk , then come home spending an inordinate time polishing.
For someone who found housework interfered with enjoyable pastimes this is unheard of.
Cannot rely on anyone else to get me out of this, it’s a matter of tiny steps, hour by hour and not even day by day.
Guess we all have different coping mechanisms otherwise it might be too much for the mind to deal with. But I’m no expert!
I’m sure we will all be thinking of you tomorrow. I thought it would be the worst day of my life, didn’t think I could go through with it. Wanted to run as far away as possible. Didn’t want other people to see me inconsolable. However the service was so lovely. No goodbyes it was a celebration of his life and I actually sat through it. I didn’t feel in my own body though, felt like I was just looking on, if you understand that.
Your so right it is tiny steps and my way of coping is to keep busy all the time. Housework, decorating, changing curtains, at our allotments, walking the dogs on long walks, moving furniture around, shopping. the list goes on. I agree there is nothing that will get us out of the black hole, it is up to us. Today hasn’t been such a bad day. I walked the dogs, went to the cemetery to have my usual chat with my husband. I sat with my eyes closed and listened to the birds singing for a while. I find it a form of meditation. Chatted with three people on route. Took two bags of veg to the foodbank. I grow my own vegetables and have some spare now. Went into town and went into a church for a quiet five minutes, then did shopping and for the first time since November managed to get there and back and on the bus without crying. Got home and took the dogs out walking. Again meeting three people for a chat. So you see I try not to give myself time to think. I then sat in front of my husbands photo and told him all about my day. He promised he would be with me looking after me, so I trust him to give me a helping hand. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.
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Sending kind thoughts and strength for the funeral today, walking with you, x
Thank you for your kind words.
I had chosen a coffin wrapped in an image of a sunrise which looked beautiful.
I felt that as an artist it would have been exactly what he would have chosen as his life was all about colour.
Now it’s little steps forward day by day.
Hugs to you all.