Struggling with life

About to hit the 3 month marker and life just getting harder. My 5 year old is having real anger issues, if he can’t get his way he’s screaming shouting and throwing things. Tonight I was on the phone and because i didn’t give him my full attention he walked up to me and slapped me round the face. Hes getting help from school where he’s showing improvement meanwhile at home im his punching bag. He tells me he misses Daddy and we talk about him all the time. But it hurts especially when he says Daddy was his favourite.

I had a mental health assessment and they said I have ptsd because his death was so sudden. And im so depressed. The doctor put me on Mitrazipan but its not helping. Im still not sleeping and I feel like im standing on the edge of a cliff just waiting for a gust of wind to blow me over.

And then to add to my load I tried to go back to work but found out I may not be able to because I have no childcare outside of school hours which put me in breach of contract because im required to work one shift at a weekend.

Im seriously considering sending my boy to his Grandmas house to live. She lives over an hour away so he’d have to move schools. I just don’t know if i can take care of him the way i should. But at the same time I’m not sure if i could live without him. Even when he’s in full asshole mode he’s still all ive got left.

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Dont give up on your boy love, grief is dramatic and heartbreaking but hang in there, my husband Ron passed away last may, i still don’t believe it, but i was with him so i know it happened, we have to carry on, god knows its hard, i will think of you xx

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I completely understand where you are coming from, I lost my husband in November and we have a 8 and 11 year old daughter.
Like you I don’t sleep, I cry all the time, anything sets me off.

My daughter who is 8 is also very angry at the world, she acts out just like your son, I know you said school are helping but have you thought about counselling for him? My daughter goes to our hospice and for example this week they were working on her anger they drew a target on one side and then on the other things that can help her take her mind of her anger. So she gets angry she puts the pillow on her bed and punches it, then she turns it over and chooses something to do from the other side.
Next week they will be doing worry people. My daughter’s school are amazing and are great with her but she just needed more help. If you can’t use a hospice speak to your GP.

I have also said to my mum on a few occasions that I think the girls should move in with her as I feel like a useless mum but I know deep down that they need me, and I need them. Your son needs you and you need him.

Do you feel ready to be back at work it’s still early days, have you had any counselling? I’m presently on a waiting list. My situation is a bit different to yours my husband had been fighting cancer for 15 months we were told 2 weeks before he passed that he only had a few days. It was a rollercoaster 15 months. This has changed me and I will never be the same again. He was my first and only love, my soulmate.

I was just taking in a day at a time but at the moment it’s and hour at a time just to get through the day.

I bet you are doing a better job than you think.

Be kind to yourself x

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Dont give up on your son…please dont…i had terrible problems with anger from my son…i let him explode his anger on me on the furniture…whatever it took…then he would crumple into my arms sobbing…its part of the process…dont challenge him or punish him let him burn out he will need the comfort only you can bring once the storm has passed…please be strong for him though u suffer immensly he suffers more…and as for work find another job if u can they clearly dont value you or respect your grief which is shockingly heartless but many people are im afraid…if u need to message me in troubled times im here day or night…i promise

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