Struggling with losing my mum


I’m new here. I’m really struggling with losing my mum on 16th March. She had health problems and I could see it coming but nothing prepared me for the emptiness I feel now she’s gone. I think about her all the time, seems like every minute or every day. I can’t find any joy in doing anything anymore. I’ve been off work and college, I’m just getting by day to day but everything is falling apart around me. House work has taken a back seat, I can’t face going out for shopping or just doing things that need done. My relationship is suffering badly too because I’m always down and angry/irritable . I don’t live with my partner and I feel like I don’t even want to see him anymore. Everything and eveyone annoys me. I just want to sit on my own all the time. I’m completely broken and I just want my mum. I miss her so much


Hi Lynsey85, this is completely normal to feel the way you do, it’s very new still and raw, I lost my mam suddenly in February and I was the same I hated everyone and everything, just spent my time crying knowing I’d never see her again. But as the weeks have gone by I’ve managed to get back to work and even laughed a few times at things remember the good times. All you can do is take it hour by hour and do what is best for you. Keep posting on this site as everyone has great support to offer. Always here if you need to chat, sending hugs xxx

Thank you.

I feel like I’ve gotten worse since the funeral. My brother was home from England staying with my dad (I’m in Scotland) and there was so much to do organising the funeral, always at my dads and it felt busy because my brother and sister would be there but now it’s like eveything has gone quiet. He’s away back to his home in England, the funerals passed so nothing to sort out and I’m just left feeling like everything has gone quiet. I’ve been up to my dads, even saying that feels weird because I always just called it my mums, even though it was my mum and dads, it just feels so empty and horrible being there, almost expecting her to come through and start talking to me. I keep reading through old what’s app messages and playing voice clips she sent me. It sounds silly but sometimes it feels like it isn’t real and I can just go and see her or I’ll get a text from her. It’s like I know she’s gone but I still feel like I’m going to see her again, which is just stupid really. Every day I wake up and it hits me again and I can’t drag myself out of the misery I feel. For a split second it feels like it’s just been a bad dream but then I quickly realise it’s not. My partner keeps saying it will get easier, you need to distract yourself with work and college, go out for a walk etc and I feel like telling him to leave me alone and stop saying that because I’m not interested. I’m being horrible and I know I am but I just can’t stop feeling so angry that my mums gone. I think I thought she would just always be here and now I can’t believe I’ve got to live the rest of my life never seeing her or speaking to her again. I feel like part of me died with her. I’m like a shadow of who I was. It takes me to even shower which is disgusting and not like me at all. I’m just completely lost and heartbroken

Honestly I know exactly how you feel, I was so horrible to my partner when it happened as I was going through panic attacks at night and he told me to snap out of it which I went mental about. I kept thinking she was around and would call me to pick her up, even when I went to the chapel of rest to see her I never believed it was real, I thought no she’ll not be there only when I got the ashes back it hit me, but once I opened up and explained to people how I was feeling it felt better as everyone told me it’s normal to act that way. It’s a long journey and we’ll never get over it, we will just find a new way to move forward. I kept reliving it over and over thinking of I could of done anything different but I knew deep down there was nothing. Talking about it really does help and it will get alittle better but we hurt so much because we loved them so much. Have you tried support outside of the family, ie a councillor? I opened up with support from work and gone a ring made with some of my mams ashes in which I wear all time and brings me great comfort knowing she’s with me xx

It’s so nice to feel that I’m not weird for feeling these things. I’m really sorry for your loss too. I obviously know exactly how you’re feeling.

So her ashes haven’t been collected yet as we haven’t decided what to do with them but I think both me and my sister are going to get a bit of jewellery made from a small amount of them which I hope will also bring me comfort. I’ve been wearing one of her rings that I gave her when I was in my 20s and I took, with my dad’s permission, the little teddy that hung on her wardrobe door, that I gave her when I was9 for mothers day. It’s hanging on my bed post beside me. I think I’m just trying anything to feel closer to her.

I’m the same with my partner though, I’m biting his head off all the time, especially when he says you need to get back to work and college, like that’s going to make it all better. I know he means well but it’s driving me nuts.

They have guidance at college so I’m thinking about maybe going to speak to them, even just to vent and off load.

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me and for making me feel a bit more normal

I am so sorry that you are going through this heartache. I remember the early days well when I to lost my beautiful Mother. I lost her suddenly in March 2023. Part of me died that day! So understand where you are coming from stating the same thing.

You say it sounds silly about thinking that she is going to walk in, nah it’s not silly at all because even over a year later I still feel like that at times, so it’s completely normal!

You may not think you will survive this, I felt the same and some how I am still here, it’s still fresh for you and I will never forget how raw it felt for me at the time!

I still have a lot of anger and hate towards other people which I’m working on but to be honest I am still mad that she was taken from me.

I struggle to give advice as I still struggle myself but I do find that when I talk on here it does help a little, especially talking to others going through that same thing as we understand it more than those around us who haven’t yet dealt with losing a loved one.

If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to send me a message x

Your completely normal, honestly we’ve all been through the stages of thinking there coming back. Anything that brings you comfort is a great help, I’ve a few bits of clothing I took just to keep as it makes me feel she’s around. I hope it does bring you great comfort with the jewellery as it does with me. Keep remembering the good times you had with her and how much love was giving, she would want you you to be happy always remember that.
I know it’s hard when your partner tells you what to do and how you should feel, they mean when and I’m sure he understands, but just needs to let you grieve your way, only your body can tell you how to feel. I still have the odd days when I cry and get upset she’s gone but I have more better days where I cope and feel happier by just thinking of her and the good times. It really is an emotional rollercoaster and as it’s only early if feels like life will never move on but honestly it does, you will be ok xx

Hi @Jess1
So sorry you feel you are struggling and for the loss of you beautiful mum. It’s awful when it’s sudden I experienced the same and like you never thought I’d survive the pain and heartache through the early stages but posting on hear does really help. It will never go away you just find a different perspective of things, I was so angry at friends who still had their mums especially when they complained about them. Everyday is challenge but you always think of them no matter what and know the love you had for each other xXx

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Oh goodness, I know what you mean about getting angry at friends for complainging about their mothers, I hate that now!

My Mum was only 50, so it’s definitely been rough! I am trying to learn to be a different person now cause I feel like the old me died and I don’t know who I am anymore!

I am sorry that you had to go through the same! What keeps me going though is that I still feel her around me, it took me a while to believe it completely but had too many ‘coincidences’

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It’s so annoying when they say it I think least you’ve got a mum. Oh that’s awful so sorry to hear she was so young. I know it’s like the old you dies with them, I was so upset and angry at how sudden it happened I just couldn’t cope, I think what upset me the most was how it all took place, the day she died it all kicked off with my dog dying, then my dad had a stroke and went off to hospital with my mam, we then picked her up later that night and she was happy laughing and pleased my dad was ok, but then suddenly she collapsed and that was it was like a light switched being turned off. I remember just sitting in the room being told the news and thinking is this real. It has to to be the hardest thing in life losing your mam, but what gives me comfort is my ring with her in and the amount of white feathers I see when I’m out and about. You take what comfort helps you, she will always be around watching over you, and spreading her love for you xXx

Oh I am so sorry to hear that. It seems to all happen at once doesn’t it! My partner lost his Grandad around 2 months before my Mum grew her angel wings last year and last month his Grandma passed it’s just been absolutely relentless!

I am yet to order a piece of jewellery with my Mums ashes in, just don’t feel ready to see her ashes just yet!

I understand completely what you mean when you say about it being one of the hardest things to go through! It certainly is for me!

I still have my Grandma (my mums mum) with me and I can’t help worrying about losing her, I try not to but it is hard. You don’t really think much about it until it happens to you do you!

I find lots of feathers to, some in the most unusual places, best one was when I found one under my can of pop, I had been sipping a while, it was dry as a bone so wasn’t stuck to the bottom of it. What made it special was that I had put a thought out that I’d like to find one in a less obvious place and that’s just like my mums sense of humour!

Please feel free to message if you ever need someone to talk to x

Oh I’m so sorry you and your partner have been through tough times. I know it’s really hard deciding what to do with the ashes and having to even open then, it took me a while to do it.
It’s awful as like you say you worry about losing another loved one, it’s natural we think that now but before it happens you somehow think our mums will live forever you never expect it to happen. Oh wow really that’s amazing, it’s definitely a sign especially when you ask for an unusual one, it’s a great comfort when you know it’s them doing it with there weird sense of humour. I asked mine to let me know she was around and if she was turn the light off, yet the next think the whole street was in darkness - made me laugh thinking is that her and her sense of humour.
Me too I’m always hear if you ever want to chat or even rant, I know sometimes it’s a great comfort to be able to just talk about them as sometimes I feel I talk too much about it with my partner he must think not again xxx

All of these comments resonate with me so much… My beautiful Mum passed away suddenly, unexpectedly at night time November 2022. Myself and my sister, dad were all there. My sister had to give CPR to my mum for 20 minutes until the ambulance came. We watched her die, to put it bluntly, I saw her eyes see right through me, and that was the exact time I knew she was gone. The trauma is still with me, I think of her every hour or every day… My dad has dealt with my mother’s death by meeting someone else, moving in with her, and now telling his three children by by text this morning that he’s now engaged. The worst thing, is how he did it! He sent a picture of the order of service with a poem in, that was read at my aunt’s funeral a couple of weeks ago, and said ’ read and understand it’ … How morbid. He doesn’t know how to communicate and doesn’t think of our feelings at all… Has said some horrid things. What comes in the months after a mother’s death is horrific, the worst thing you can ever go through, and not knowing what it brings with it is anxiety inducing…
Everything you’re feeling is completely normal. I still dislike people in my head that still have their mother’s, jealousy is a huge part of my head thoughts too… It is getting better, but life is just so hard sometimes.
When you think you’re riding through the grief ok, it hits you again like a tonne of bricks. I just think though, a year and a half on, and when I cry, I cry just as intently as I did when she left me… She was so loved by me and my siblings. The strength of your cry, goes to show the love…
It doesn’t get easier, it just gets easier to manage the outbursts and the thoughts do not come as often. My god though, when they do come, it’s horrfic