Struggling with missing my mum and dad's new partner

Hi I stumbled upon this forum whilst looking for conversations around coping with widowed father’s young girlfriend so soon after mum died.

I’m not sure if I’m ready to ask questions but wanted to say hi and sorry to everyone going through similarly tough times.

My mum died in 2018 and I struggle still everyday to hold it together, and it’s made harder by my dad’s girlfriend he now lives with who is younger than all of us, his 6 kids.

He’s told me lies about when they first met, when they first got together and the age gap makes me feel really quite sick to my stomach.

My counsellor offered the insight that this might be because when it comes to my dad I still feel like a child even at 39. So I therefore see this woman as a child too at 34. Maybe, it certainly makes me pretty grossed out that they are together, like it’s not right and like he’s stripping her of her youth as he is 65, or taking advantage of her. It could be the opposite also. Who knows.

They have been dating since 2018 apparently I’ve just found out, my dad told me they met in August 2019. I have know found out they first met in 2012.

I’m struggling with the deceit. I’m struggling that he started dating within just a few months of the love of his life dying horrifically of cancer, and can’t help wondering if they hooked up prior to be honest.

I’m struggling with my son losing his first tooth and the person I wanted to tell most in the world not being there to call.

I heard a saying earlier in the week that has triggered me massively I think and few days later I’m still struggling.

Grief is love, that has no place to go, so it pours from our eyes as tears.


Anyway I’m trying to navigate a way forward out of the hurt I’m feeling currently as my dad is also hurting that I won’t meet his girlfriend, and that he can’t have the grandkids at his new place. I’ve tried to explain the thought of it is so traumatic and the thought of seeing his new place with her where he has told me there are no pictures of my mum as not fair on his new girlfriend.

2 of my siblings feel the same as me or worse to be honest, and my dad seems to be trying to pressure us all individually to accept his relationship. He even tried to manipulate my youngest sister by saying well I will probably have to propose to her soon, as it’s only fair.

How could he even think about getting married when his kids are too traumatised still to even meet his girlfriend?

I want him to be happy and not be lonely, but why someone so young, so soon?

He hasn’t really asked any of us if we’re ok after mum’s death, it’s all been about how he’s feeling. He’s very self-focussed and not a great listener, or very empathetic.

Hello @Cuddles82. I’d like to say welcome to the forum but honestly, I feel so sorry you have a need to be here. I am so sorry you’ve lost your mum. I lost my mum in 2012 and I miss her every day.

I really don’t know what to say to you. It’s a horrible, horrible situation. I lost my husband in June 2017 and I know, even now, that my children would be utterly devastated were I to find someone else. It’s never going to happen though because there was/is only ever one man for me. That’s not saying it’s wrong though for somebody to find love again. There are no rights or wrongs in grief.

Personally, I would have a problem with the age gap myself, probably through a lack of understanding, but I’m not here to judge.

I’m of no use to you whatsoever but I do hope you have found some release in writing it all down. In my experience, writing can be a massive help in unburdening oneself.

I hope someone with a similar experience will respond to offer you some solace, but I just wanted to let you know that there is someone here who cares, many of us in fact.

Sending a big hug. x


Thank you. It definitely helped writing it down.

So sorry you lost your mum too :heart:‍:adhesive_bandage:

Thank you for caring enough to reply xx

1 Like

I’m sorry you lost your mum, it’s not a nice experience to go through,even if you have support. I’m not going to say that your dad is right or not here to judge, having joined this support group,I know I’m not alone,and it might help to talk to strangers, rather than the ones close to the situation.all the best,here to listen if and when you might like to talk xx

Thank you :blush: