Hi I stumbled upon this forum whilst looking for conversations around coping with widowed father’s young girlfriend so soon after mum died.
I’m not sure if I’m ready to ask questions but wanted to say hi and sorry to everyone going through similarly tough times.
My mum died in 2018 and I struggle still everyday to hold it together, and it’s made harder by my dad’s girlfriend he now lives with who is younger than all of us, his 6 kids.
He’s told me lies about when they first met, when they first got together and the age gap makes me feel really quite sick to my stomach.
My counsellor offered the insight that this might be because when it comes to my dad I still feel like a child even at 39. So I therefore see this woman as a child too at 34. Maybe, it certainly makes me pretty grossed out that they are together, like it’s not right and like he’s stripping her of her youth as he is 65, or taking advantage of her. It could be the opposite also. Who knows.
They have been dating since 2018 apparently I’ve just found out, my dad told me they met in August 2019. I have know found out they first met in 2012.
I’m struggling with the deceit. I’m struggling that he started dating within just a few months of the love of his life dying horrifically of cancer, and can’t help wondering if they hooked up prior to be honest.
I’m struggling with my son losing his first tooth and the person I wanted to tell most in the world not being there to call.
I heard a saying earlier in the week that has triggered me massively I think and few days later I’m still struggling.
Grief is love, that has no place to go, so it pours from our eyes as tears.
Ouch!
Anyway I’m trying to navigate a way forward out of the hurt I’m feeling currently as my dad is also hurting that I won’t meet his girlfriend, and that he can’t have the grandkids at his new place. I’ve tried to explain the thought of it is so traumatic and the thought of seeing his new place with her where he has told me there are no pictures of my mum as not fair on his new girlfriend.
2 of my siblings feel the same as me or worse to be honest, and my dad seems to be trying to pressure us all individually to accept his relationship. He even tried to manipulate my youngest sister by saying well I will probably have to propose to her soon, as it’s only fair.
How could he even think about getting married when his kids are too traumatised still to even meet his girlfriend?
I want him to be happy and not be lonely, but why someone so young, so soon?
He hasn’t really asked any of us if we’re ok after mum’s death, it’s all been about how he’s feeling. He’s very self-focussed and not a great listener, or very empathetic.
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