Struggling with Mum passing away

Hi, First time post, sorry maybe long winded.

I have suffered anxiety issues all my life and lived at home with Mum for support. Mum also suffered with anxiety and I helped her likewise. Mum also had physical health problems, mainly the C.O.P.D. Eventually Mum couldn’t do as much as she used to and I began to do more and more.

In December 2015, Mum began to get confused talking about stuff I had done the previous day as if I was someone else. This would maybe last a few days and then she would be normal again for a while. Eventually a CPN got involved and she thought it was Delirium due to poor health.

I began to struggle with my mental health as Mum was getting worse. The CPN recommended Mum to go into respite but before that could happen, Mum became ill and had to go into hospital. This was now in December 2016. She improved and I was told she was medically fit for discharge. I was told to refuse her back home as I wasn’t coping with Mum’s personal needs. Unfortunately while waiting for a place for Mum to go she was bed bound and kept getting one chest infection after another.

Towards the end of December she was moved into a Nursing Home where they thought she wouldn’t make Christmas. She did and a month later I thought she was going to make it. But again she was stuck in bed and was getting infections. Eventually on the 15th February 2017 she died of pneumonia.

I have continued to live in the house that me and Mum built up together, which is nice but everything reminds me of what I have lost, My Mum, Best Friend and my Support.

I know it has only been 2 months since she died and over 4 months since I’ve been living on my own. Because of my anxieties I find it difficult to make friends or even to get out as I get so scared. I’m crying most days as I get so lonely.

Sorry for long post, just thought you should have some background information.

Hi Steve, so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 3 months ago, in different circumstances but also the loss of a parent, support and best friend. Do you have any support around you? Are you under your gp for your anxiety?

Thank you. Sorry for your loss too. I hadn’t realised my post had posted as the site kept reporting an error. I hope I haven’t posted multiple times.

I go and see my gp now and then. He has given me some phone numbers to ring if I can’t cope. I also see a therapist privately on occasion but he has become ill recently so feel have currently lost that support.

I have family in the area but they’re so busy with work and have their own families that I feel forgotten about. I never married or had kids due to my illness. I tell my family how I feel but I don’t think they fully understand how Mum’s loss is affecting me as nothing changes. Yes they’ve lost their Mum or Nannie too but they have their partners and children. I had Mum only. I lost all my friends years ago as they didn’t understand my illness. I am friendly with some of my neighbours but again they’re busy and I don’t like to bother anyone.

I too posted numerous times due to the same issue so don’t worry. I know exactly how you feel, I asked these questions to get a background but I understand that there is only so much a gp can do and that everyone else seems to be going back to normal life and you can’t. I can’t either, I feel like people are tiring of my grief. Suppose speaking to others in similar situations may help? That was what I was hoping of gaining from joining this site.

Yes, people keep telling me it’s all normal and it will get easier in time. But right now I hate my own company, I have no motivation to do anything as when I do i always remember Mum helping me and I start getting upset again.

I joined this site too for the same reason. I would ideally like to meet people in similar situations as it is company I miss too. And yes I also feel people are tired of me repeating myself. I feel like they’re thinking for goodness sake get over it.

I would love to have a normal life, whatever that is, but I’ve never really experienced a normal life so am at the moment anyway scared to. I know Mum always wanted me to get better as she did worry about me when she was gone. I so want to get better as I know that would make Mum happy but I do need some extra support in these first few months to motivate me.

It’s extremely difficult and impossible to describe until you’ve been through it, which I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Feel free to talk to me anytime, my grief is also very raw.

Hi both,

Sorry for the duplicate posting issue - it has been affecting a number of users lately. I have got our technical team working on a fix that should help prevent this in the future.

I’m glad to see that you have been able to chat and support each other in spite of this.

Online Community Manager