Struggling with suicide of a friend

Hi I have just joined after being told about this site via my counsellor, where to start? Well I was a paramedic but caught Covid in Nov 2020 which later developed into long Covid could not return to my post so after 3 months looking for another post within the service nothing was found and my employment was terminated 34yrs ended like that. I was a carer for my husband and worked full time but since July last year my husband suffered a heart attack now has cardiac failure and a defib fitted so I care full time for him, my friend who I shared my fears etc with was also a paramedic and neighbour and very good friend who was always there for me and vice Versa (we used to have our catch up dates) never let on that she was struggling and always brushed it off that she could manage things killed herself in May and I feel so guilty that I didn’t see it coming also I have lost a dear friend that I would go to for a hug and chat, because she was my neighbour every time I look out the window my heart breaks a little more, sorry for going on I just needed to off load somethings


Hello and welcome to the community @Spikey,

I’m so sorry to read about what you have been through over the last few years with your job, your Husband’s health and the death of your dear friend in May. That’s an awful lot to process - it’s understandable that you are struggling.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to off load how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

You might also like to take a look at the resources available on the Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide website.

Do take care - keep reaching out,

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Easy to say but please don’t feel guilty, if it had been the other way round would your friend want you to feel that way, would you have expected her to read your mind. My Mom desperately wanted to die at home, tried my best but the system was against me (arrangements took too long) and she was in the Hospital, I’ll never forgive myself so sort of know how you feel. Could I suggest you buy a Plant, Shrub or maybe a Rose that you can see from the window, plant it in memory of your dear friend. Be gentle with yourself, there was nothing you could do

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