Can I be in on this witchcraft thing . It’s a good job we can’t see the future we would go crazy . If we could go back in time I think I’d have to lock him in a room and not let him out , how cruel that would have been and at least he lived his life , short as it was I know he was happy x
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Definitely Cherish - I’m also going to visit a local Spiritualist church later this year…. exploring all options. I can’t live with the thought that I’ll never see James again xxxxx
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I lost my youngest son 2.5 years ago, my heart shattered into a million pieces, not healing. I miss my boy so much. He was 36. I know his dad and three older brothers miss him too. My eldest grandson is 14 and was very close with his uncle, he still feels sad.
We talk about my boy every day, it helps but my grief is so hard to live with.
Sending much love & huggles to everyone dealing with a bereavement,
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Hi Susan
It’s so hard, miss my son James every day, and think about him all the time. It was just over 4 months ago, and I think the reality of never seeing him again is sinking in. Thinking of you and sending hugs back xxxx
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I thought I’d check in as none of us have commented for ages. I hope that you’ve found support in other places if you’ve not needed to empty your head here.
My mum died suddenly recently so in the last year four members of my closest family have died… it feels so empty.
I still have not heard back from the coroner about why James died, and it will be six months on Tuesday. Still looking for signs that he’s around… the other evening I started to listen to an audio book and a song he really liked started playing instead, and I have dreamed about him which I hadn’t in the early days.
The sadness, the feeling my heart has been ripped to pieces remains, and tears are always there,
Sending all my love to everyone, xxxx
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Lovely to hear from you . I came on here only this morning and felt sad that the little group we built up is no longer being added to. I like you just hope everyone is managing and maybe not needing to visit as often . I feel just the same . Some days are worse than others . Went to see my other son in USA , we both really needed that and it felt right but since returning to uk I feel like I’ve plummeted. I guess there’s nowhere to hide from grief . We still don’t have answers except my son was stabbed over 22 times and that hit me hard . I just don’t know how I will ever get over it all or even learn to live with it . Sending you hugs and the hope that you will get your answers soon xx
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Hi Cherish
It really does feel that we’re stuck in this terrible never ending nightmare.
I really felt our group helped me a lot, especially because we’ve all lost our beautiful sons. Just knowing everyone understands helps in itself, and being able to say exactly how I’m feeling, which I can’t honestly do to anyone else, not even my husband, I find so important.
I think I’d frighten people if I told them the unvarnished truth.
Finding out what happened to your boy is so hard, I hope justice is served on the perpetrator. I try to tell myself that I was lucky to have James for 28 years, but it’s just not enough… I wanted to see him grow older and have a good life with Nicole,
Look after yourself Cherish xxx
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Im still here still feel like shit to be honest .im so sorry to hear about your mum just cant believe all this is happening. I suppose ive just shut myself off for a,whike as i felt i was making everyone else feel depressed!!! 10 months and 3 weeks tomorrow. Still feel exactly the same and i forever will do!!! My husband had a foot operation 2 weeks ago then my dog had to have an emergency operation the day after Barry’s operation!! 3 other people that i know very well just died so unexpectedly all buried near aaron its like i have no idea whats happening anymore!!! Xxxxx
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Oh Sue
I know you said that your good friend was terminally ill, but losing so many people is awful. I was looking back at your pictures of shadowy images of Aaron… I’m trying to believe in something after this life, looking for signs and things.
It’s hard to fathom what keeps us going, I think that knowing how terrible it is to lose someone you love so so much makes me not want to make others suffer the same if I die, but meaningful life has stopped for me now.
it’s good to hear from you tho, I’ve missed this group and it does help being able to be honest about how we feel - I can’t think of anyone I see day to day that I could tell, xxxxx
Hello
We live in Gloucester. I lost my grandson last October and my daughter is really struggling with the thought that she will never see him again. I am finding it difficult enough but she is in a really bad place. I feel as though I am acting in a play and that it will end soon and everything will be back to normal. Time doesn’t seem to heal, it seems to get harder. I see his pictures all the time and think “why”?
Only those who have been through this can understand what we are going through
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Hi .
I’m so sorry
You are struggling with the loss of your grandson and helping your daughter through this . I lost my son last September so it’s a similar time frame and it’s not any easier . I
Do sometimes think I will wake up from this horrible nightmare .
My son was “ taken “ and the trial is not until the end of September. I keep thinking I’ll get closure after that’s finalised ( his perpetrator has pleaded guilty already)
Sadly though I don’t think there will ever be closure it’s just a new way
To live . I have the me before and the me after and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again . Your daughters is lucky to have someone so close . My daughter has been my strength and it’s made us even closer just be there for each other
And be kind to yourself x
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Hello
How awful for you. I can’t even imagine what you have gone through and you will have the trial to contend with. I agree with the me before and the me after as life will never be the same again. Luckily you have a lovely daughter who is there for you although she must be going through hell too. Sending love x
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I agree, I’m 6 months on from James’s dying, life ticks by, but I find it hard to keep going. I suppose it’s so hard because we love them so much, and people I’ve spoken to who’s loved ones have died say 10 years ago , say that they start to be able to live alongside the grief, rather than it be always the first thing on their mind.
Sending love to you both xxxx
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Hello my friends
I thought I’d post after a bit of a break, think of you all often.
It was Jamie’s 29th birthday on Monday so things are tough. I’ve started with a bereavement support group recently as, for me, talking about James and how I’m feeling gets it out of my head at least, and I know other people have experienced bereavement too.
I haven’t yet plucked up courage to go to the Spiritualist church though.
As time goes on ( just over 9 months since my beautiful James died), I think the reality of how long I’m going to have to survive without him is sinking in. I still think of things to message him about, if I hear a noise in the house I think it’s him, and I know I’m broken for ever.
I wish people wouldn’t keep asking how I’m doing… I’m can’t tell them, I think they would sink under the weight of my feelings.
Anyway, thinking of you all xxxx
Lovely to hear from you and I have thought of you often . This week marks a year since losing Neil , it’s been a tough week , and people do ask how I am , I think it’s out of kindness but like you I can’t tell the truth so I say I’m ok and I’m getting there , the real truth is I don’t know where “ there” is as I’ve never felt so confused and lost in my life . I doubt we will ever be ok , it’s impossible to be ok but slowly I’m learning to live with the harsh reality that neil has gone , I miss him so much , I see things he would like and I want to call him but can’t . Please keep in touch if only once in a while on here . Take care and sending love xx
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Oh Cherish,
Thank you for replying.
A year…. do you wonder how you’ve actually managed to survive this long. It feels like time has gone so quickly as in December it will have been a year since James died, and I’m not sure how I’ve got here.
My sister has been brilliant as has her son, who got on so well with James. I’ve been so thankful for this thread too, I honestly think it’s only on here I can truly say exactly how I’m “ doing”.
Look after yourself, I still wonder if trying to arrange a way for us all to meet up would be a good thing, or if being a name on a thread is better for being able to truly express ourselves.
Much love
Carolyn xxxx
I’ve been s
Hello
We have met up with a couple of mothers who have lost their sons and we make a note of never asking how we are as we know that we are not ok.
My daughter is arranging a convoy on the angelversary ( as she has called it) of the date that he was taken from us. He was mad about cars. He bought an MX5 with his trust fund and met loads of people who also had MX5s. She wants a convoy of any body who has an MX5 and any who haven’t to go along from Gloucester North Services , past the crash site, and end at the Machine and Caffeine place where he frequented to commemorate his life.
She is putting a lot into this as she is finding everything else so hard.
I still cant believe that he is gone.
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Hi Carolyn
Don’t know if you have Facebook but I have joined a forum “ grieving mothers uk “ there’s so much love and support in there I’ve found it really helpful , another place to vent and feel safe , maybe it could help you too xx
Linda x
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What a wonderful tribute- a lovely event for your daughter to organise and make space for remembrance. I didn’t realise there was an mx5 community, but they are iconic cars 
.
xxxx
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Hi Linda
I’ll have a look at Facebook, it helps so much to be understood doesn’t it. I think part of me is trying to protect other people I care about because I don’t want them to worry about me when my thoughts are so dark.
Much love xxxx