Struggling with the loss of my adult son

I’ve let people down today. I made arrangements with friends but I just can’t face pretending I’m ok.
So here I am, crying on my own. I should have made the effort but it seems too much.
Sending love xxxxx

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Yes i must admit im counting down the days my family dosnt know what om truly feeling only you girls. Ive only been up an hour struggling with insomnia as well and im sure barry is getting pissed off with me. As soon as i say something he chsnges the subject wbich makes me feel even more alone.i think we are drifting he dosnt understand how i feel and why im not laughing or wanting to do anything. I even said in my prayers im ready to go ive had enough of this pain and heartache. My friend now has 2 weeks to live she is 53 and i think this will literally tip me over xxxxx

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Hi lovelies
I’ve just got up, fully intended to go out and do a little bit of weeding but couldn’t get my head off of the pillow. Dreamed about James again, only the second time since he died.

Thinking of you both, it does feel that people have a time limit on how long they think you’ll grieve for doesn’t it. Some of my friends ask how I am, but they seem to only want to listen to the bits like me returning to work, not how I think of James all the time, feel a never ending sense of dread because my life has forever been ripped apart, and that there’s no point to anything now, I’m just passing the time till I don’t have to be here anymore.

Sue, I’m really sorry about your friend, I hope she has good care to make sure she’s out of pain, I’m sure she’s glad to have you as a friend.

Life has given us all the worst we could have ever imagined, if I could hug you both properly, I would xxxx

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Im a bit cross with myself tbh. I dont like letting people down. I suppose it’s a part of the grief process that some days we sort of cope but others not all . This is one of those days for me.
Sue, so sorry about your friend. If you can, try and tell Barry how you feel , he probably is unaware!
Sending hugs! Xx

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Hi Penny
Sometimes think our body just tells us what we need, so don’t beat yourself up. Being mum’s, we’re so used to putting absolutely everyone else first we forget about ourselves. I don’t like letting people down, but tend to let other people off the hook when they mess me around. xxxxx

Thank you for that xxxxx

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Hes struggling himself as well he lost his mum last year as well as aaron.he dosnt know what to do with me hes never been really an emotional bloke and finds it extremely hard to show his feelings but i promise you that ill try penny xxxxx

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Ive definitely become more of a loner i know people get pissed off with me that im all doom and gloom but tbh i dont want them in my life.i wish sometime we call all meet up i know i would spe d the whole time crying and hugging everyone!!! Xxxxx

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Losing a child, however old is the worst thing that can ever happen to you. Sadly, it turns you a bit crazy! You no longer have the references you used to have.
You are adrift in a sea of painful emotions that no-one else can understand. Sometimes you can deal with it, mainly you cannot.
Unfortunately, only you can decide, do you give up or do you forge a life without them?
I don’t want to live without my Kev but I have another son who needs me.
For now I will cling to that xxx

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Tough day today, been at work but feeling completely apathetic and don’t feel I care about anything today. Hard to find anything to say to anyone which isn’t like me at all. Not sure what triggered this mood, it feels almost like a step down from sorrow, like I’m so worn out with it all I’ve no energy left.

Hope you have all managed to get through today xxx

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Hi Jamies mum
Sorry you have had a bad day. I do not work I took early retirement when I was 55 to look after my mum after my dad died I lost her in July 2019 which hit me hard as she was my best friend and we used to go everywhere together. That same year in the December my son was diagnosed with primary progressive multiple sclerosis and he became bedbound by August 2020 he spent the next 3 years in bed unable to move himself as he could only use one arm and his head and neck. It has been absolutely horrendous for him as he was extremely fit and healthy bedore this. In passed in July last year his body was contorted terribly and he only weighed about 5 stone. His death was horrible he was drugged up by the district nurses who stopped all his food and drink on the Sunday and he passed away on the Tuesday I was with him but it was awful dont know if he even knew I was there as he was not conscious I am angry that this was all decided by the district nurses and the gp I was never consulted but I told them they were killing him but they said they were making him comfortable. I am in bits at the moment as it would have been his birthday on the 13th of this month I cannot stop seeing him how he was when he passed I am not the same person as I was when he was alive. I just hope that it will get easier with time I have had 12 weeks counselling at my local hospice it helped at the time but I now have no one to talk to about him I have a fabulous husband and another son that is the only reason I keep going.
Sorry to go on but I need to get all this out.
Take care sending love and hugs xx
Kim x

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Hi Kim,
I too only go on for the sake of my beautiful daughter who is struggling with the loss of her brother,my only son and first born.
He was 31 years old when he passed on 1st November 2022,17 months ago now and I find every single day absolutely heartbreaking.
He died suddenly and unexpectedly at home with me and my daughter of a sudden cardiac arrest.
I administered CPR for 26 minutes after he stopped breathing before any emergency services arrived.
We as mothers will always question whether what we did was enough but we loved them unconditionally and always will.
It’s important to remember them as they were and not what their endings were.
I feel your pain but it’s so important to cherish the memories we have of our beloved son’s from birth and throughout their wonderful lives with us and not the loss.
Easier said than done I know but cherish the good times.
Take care and look after yourself,
Jayne x

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Still not sleeping wide awake again!! 2 hours sleep last night and cant sleep now!! Having extremely bad days myself as well everything is,still so absolutely raw for everyone!! I know myself it will take me a very long time .years infact .and still then i will never get over losing my son. I absolutely love my other 2 children ad well and i do try my very best but i find it extremely hard and expecally woth naxine having only 2 weeks to live as well its like absolutely everything has fell apart there are days where i dont want to talk myself and just cannot be bothered with anything myself .just take one day at a time Jamie’s mum sending lots of love xxxxxxx

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Thanks so much, all of you. Hopefully a better day today.

I am being referred for trauma counselling after I’ve finished my current sessions, because of giving James CPR before the paramedics arrived and seeing him how he was. I keep seeing him now, and it’s so hard to stop these images.

He was my only son, but I think of my friends and family as well as my husband, and I know I wouldn’t take my own life, because I wouldn’t want more people grieving, knowing how it feels.

Thank you for listening, I so wish none of us needed to be on this forum xxxx

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Hi everyone
I thought I’d post another quote I found,
Thinking of you all :heart:

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Been really struggling this week, I find I’m just getting close to living with this new ‘normal’ then I just collapse into days of tears again.

Yesterday we went to see the new RNLI lifeboat at Poole that I’d had Thomas’s name engraved on and although it made me cry I was proud his name was on this lifeboat that would save people’s lives all over the UK. Ironic really as Thomas was not a swimmer, two solid terms of swimming lessons as a boy and they never managed to get his feet off the bottom!

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It’s hard isn’t it, I think that there are always going to be reminders of our boys that makes us cry. How amazing to have Thomas’s name on a lifeboat, a really worthwhile legacy.

Thinking of you xxx

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Thank you Jamiesmum, I tell people I would engrave Thomas’s name across the planet if I could. I donate in his name, I do anything to keep his name alive, it’s very important to me. I miss him so much, you all understand what I’m feeling xx

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I totally understand, I’ve sponsored a donkey in James and Nicole’s name, ( they visited together and loved the Donkey Sanctuary in Sidmouth, plus it’s one of my favourite places to go), but a lifeboat is an incredible idea.

I was honestly thinking about studying witchcraft last night, to learn how to turn back time, I felt so sad and desperate.

Nothing could ever have prepared me for this level of pain xxxxx

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I would do absolutely anything to get Thomas back, the world without hi. Is so wrong.

If you find that spell to get James back do let me know!

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