Lovely brown eyes… when he was little he used to look at me and say “ pleeese” and melt my heart cxxb
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What a lovely, handsome lad x
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I feel really low today I don’t want to go on like this.The heartbreak is too much to take. I can’t cope with the fact that he’s gone today my gorgeous son isn’t coming back and I need him so much. Why is life so horrible? He’s never done a wrong thing in his life and now he’s gone. I can’t wait for my life to be over. The only thing keeping me here is my daughter and she’s gone through enough. How are we supposed to get through this? I really don’t know how.
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Hi @Ali76,
I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone 
Take good care, Ben
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I’m sorry to hear about your son but I know how you’re feeling as I lost my son in 2020. He had bowel cancer but we didn’t find out until it was to late. He died 3 weeks later. He was only 39. 🩵 The pain I feel never goes away. Some days I don’t know how I survive without him. The only thing that keeps me going is my twin sons. Monday was terrible. I cried all day, as it was another birthday without him. He was such a a good lad I couldn’t fault him in any way. He just loved his darts. So I really know how your heart is broken. We just have to live day by day unfortunately. God bless you and I am sending you a virtual 
. X
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Thank you x
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I only keep going because I wouldn’t want to make my husband, sister, nephew and all my friends feel as terrible as I do. It would be so easy just to bury myself away in bed and not go out, but working 2 days a week keeps me afloat because it’s helping other people so stops me getting stuck in my head somehow.
It is so hard; I know the first anniversary of James’s death isn’t far away and coping with that is going to be really hard.
Thinking of all of you xxx
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Thank you everyone, I don’t know what I’d do without you all x
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Hi everyone, this week I went to the doctor’s and I’m now on the antidepressant sertraline. I’m having less of the awful intrusive thoughts of Rupert s death which I’m grateful for and I feel less emotional. I’m a bit worried that at some point when I stop taking them the everything will return .
I haven’t told anyone on here of just how horrible the last two years have been. I was devastated as I loved her so much. Then Christmas eve 2023 my brother died of cancer and as you all know my son died in August. It’s been unbearable but nothing compares to the loss of my son. I will never get over it . I’ve gone from being a size 18 to a 12 and have no appetite. Rupert is in my head 24/7 and the need to see him is constant. Has anyone else gone on antidepressants after their loss?
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I am on Venlafaxine 300. mg. It numbs me a bit and helps me function day to day. I’ve also seen a counsellor for 16 sessions and she was very good, validated my feelings ( her brother had not long died so she was grieving too).
I started a group counselling specifically for bereavement run by the funeral directors who did James’s, dads and mum’ s funerals, but it was too upsetting so I stopped- will try later next year.
I work in mental health so I know talking helps, so that’s why I’ve done all this.
I’m also on the waiting list for trauma specific therapy because of finding James and having to try to resuscitate him, and the total horror of that terrible day.
I hate my antidepressants, been on a low dose for a very long time, but I’m grateful for them at the moment.
I hope they help you get through each day Ali, bereavement groups or 1:1 counselling are good for some people but I think we’re all so different, we have to do what’s right for us 
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A bit has been deleted from my post ,my niece took her own life in 2022 and I adored her .
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I like you don’t know if I like the antidepressants as I think they just mask what’s happened and I feel numb to it all
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I’m so sorry about your niece, James’s girlfriend took her life in July 2023, she was completing her PhD in USA and I think her abusive controlling ex was trying to inveigle his way back into her life.
So many if onlys… I was going to SOBS with James and they are a fantastic supportive group. We all made a square for a quilt to remember our loved ones earlier this year, and it’s touring Hampshire at the moment.
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I really hope they are reunited, that is beautiful x
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I really hope we all see our loved ones again
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I know how youfeel my daughter age 46 died 6 months ago also with kidney and liver failhy wuthin 5 days of falling ill i .imiss hef calling to borriw money till next pay day or pick something up for .now getting close to vhristmas see things she would love it hurts so much. How
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I’m so sorry, losing a child is just too much to bear. I hope you have some kind friends around you,
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How I feel your pain and I’m sorry to hear about your lovely daughter. I lost my son in 2020 to bowel cancer. He was 39. From diagnosis to passing was just 3 weeks. I miss him phoning me up asking silly things like , how shall i cook this like you mum. Miss him coming round for his tea. Always texting me about something. I miss him so much I sometimes wish I could join him. Wherever he is. But I have a husband and twin sons. They keep me going. But my son is in my head constantly. He’s the first person that I think about when I wake up in a morning and the last person I say goodnight to. 🩵😭
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Losing a child is the worst thing ever. My son aged 45 was found dead in his flat. He was so fit & well. The pain is unbearable. Xmas will just be a blur as he always came to mine. May god help us all through this horrible time. 
Can I ask if anyone reading this is from Scotland? X
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