I think we will always be overwhelmed by this loss, it’s always there just under my pretence that I’m a normal functioning person. Massive waves of grief and tears, but I try so hard to think that this is because I loved him so much and it’s totally normal to feel so devastated … I hope so much that there is something after we die, I need to see James and hug him again 
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I believe there is something else and we will be together with them again x
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I believe there may be something to,not only when my son died he said he had to go now to death . But when he was 4 years old ,in Canterbury cathedral he said I know the way out through the cloisters. When I question him after he did not know what cloisters were. All very stranger ,but Quite loverly.
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Hi Anne,
Lovely, I’m going to do the same.
x
I too rack my brains, what did I do that George had to suffer? I used to pray that I could take over his brain tumour, make deals with God, follow silly OCD type rituals. I find it quite hard to bear and now deliberately don’t acknowledge single magpies etc (think I have lost the plot 
)
Waiting for an NHS counsellor but not happening yet!
x
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Hi Ali. I too ignore single magpies. I got a call from Cruse yesterday. I don’t know if it helped going over the same thing. I felt quite drained afterwards. They are on call every day if you are struggling.
This Xmas is going to be very difficult without my husband my son & more recently my dog Tilly who was a great comfort to me.
I wish you all the best Ali. We have to get through this whichever way we can.
I hope 2025 brings you peace love health & happiness x
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It’s a hard time of year, everyone seems to be in party mood. It was James’s one year since he died on Monday, I didn’t think I could feel worse, but it has knocked me for six really. Miss him so much,
Thinking of you both 
I’ve added a photo of the floating candles I put on my pond to remember James by xxx
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Looks beautiful, I’m sending love to all . I feel terrible and just want my son back. I went for a walk with his best friend yesterday. They met in primary school however I was actually on the same ward as his mam when I had Rupert ! He’s feeling the loss massively too and having counseling. I just hope Rupert can see how loved he is and how devastated so many people are at his loss. I’m just wishing my life away until I can be with him again in a better place x
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I agree, it looks beautiful. My daughter has made a memorial where her son died . It is beside a busy main road. He would have been 22 last week. She has gone away as she cannot bear to be around Christmas at home without him. She organised a convoy to commemorate a year of Luke’s death. There
were over 50 cars , mostly MX5s, as that was his car, and we all went
from Gloucester Services, up the M5 and A46 and ended up at a coffee
venue that Luke frequented. It was a sight to see all these cars
following each other.
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Ali, I’ve kept in touch with some of James’s friends, it helps a bit 
The convoy sounds incredible, an amazing tribute
xxx
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