Struggling with the loss of my Dad

My dad passed away suddenly 2 years ago and I’m really struggling to accept it. When we got the call to go to hospital we were not expecting to find my dad had passed away. Yes he was in hospital due to feeling unwell but no way did we expect it to be serious he was only 52. For the past 2 years I’ve been living in denial just thinking hes at work or out when I go to my mum’s house. But just recently I’ve been made redundant and I start a new job in a few weeks time. With all the stress of work and the loss of my dad my body just went into melt down having panic attacks and anxiety to the point I haven’t been right for 3 weeks. I feel unwell. I’ve struggling to catch my breath, nausea, feel weak, abdominal discomfort and dizziness… Ive had tests done and all fine so far so doctors have told me it’s anxiety which stems back to my dad and the job situation has topped it off. What I want to know has anyone else been effected in this way and how do you work through the process of grief to help with the anxiety. I just can’t except that I’ll never see my dad again. He was everything to me and I don’t want to except it. I’m so broken and scared about my own health. I feel I’m letting my children down too by feeling so low. Any help will be much appreciated.

Dear Sarah
I am so sorry that you lost your dad, it sounds like he was an amazing man and a big part of your life. It sounds to me as though you are going through the grieving process now instead of when your dad passed. My son was killed in an accident just over 3 months ago and in the first few days i would feel physically sick every morning. Sometimes I am utterly exhausted, ache all over as though I am coming down with flu and in the first couple of days after my boy died I had quite severe panic attacks, something I had never experienced before. My memory is not great sometimes. I think because you had trouble accepted your dads loss you are experiencing severe grief now, but all these things are real, just because it is grief related does not mean that it does not feel completely real.
Have you recieved any counselling? There is no time limit on grieving and no set schedule, it hits us all in different ways.
take care
Janet

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