My daughter died 3 months ago. She was 20 years old. She was groomed at 14 by a 37 year old man. She struggled with self harm, abusive relationships, attempted suicides, rape and complete self hate ever since. She turned to alcohol and then drugs. She went through rehab twice. She was doing so well until her latest abuser drove her back to our home town, gave her a sexually transmitted disease and ended it with her. 2 weeks later she was dead. Police have lost her belongings and have no answers for me. I’m finding it so hard to get through the days now. I just want to be with her
Hi @Julia8,
Thank you so much for bravely starting this thread and opening up about your Daughter - welcome to the community although I know you have joined for such sad reasons. I was so sorry to read your post - the way you are feeling is completely understandable.
I just wanted to reach out to you briefly on here - I am also going to follow-up with an email and details of some relevant support services which you might find helpful.
Thank you again - keep reaching out.
Take care of yourself,
Megan
Hi Julia - my heart goes out to you. I lost my daughter aged 39 a couple of months ago. Like your daughter, mine had a tough life and a tragic death. I don’t have any clever answers, I feel like I’m drowning in grief. I just wanted to say I feel for you. May we both find a place of respite and a little peace, at least for a little while as we do our best to accept what we can’t change. I’m finding that bit very hard. In fact all of its very hard. Sending you my respect . Nell xxx
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Hi Nell
I’m so sorry for your loss. I haven’t stopped crying since Saturday. When it first happened I didn’t cry hardly and was comforting Mary’s siblings, family and friends. Now, I feel so alone. I have a lot of support if I called on it, but no one understands. Not really. How can they? They haven’t lost my beautiful troubled daughter have they. I need to know what happened and the police have been horrendous. The mortuary said she arrived in her underwear, and police still can’t tell me where her clothes are. It’s appalling. Sorry to go on and thank you for replying to me. I really appreciate it xx
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Julia - you don’t need to apologise for going on. You have every right to go on. I have been going on for weeks to my friends or anyone else who I can find. Your daughter has lost her life, you love her. This is maybe, quite likely, the hardest thing you will ever have to endure.
You must be feeling, anger, rage, helplessness, loneliness and isolation and every other painful emotion. I am missing and regretting my daughters death too, I’m feeling broken and the only thing I know to do is to just keep on keeping on one day at a time. I get what you say about some people not understanding. At least you can come on this website and say something about the enormity of what’s happened to your daughter and to you. I’m listening and so are others on here. Please don’t be hard on yourself, I’ve been doing a lot of that, and you deserve support and love. The pain shows how much you love. Maybe we can talk again tomorrow? Xxxx
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Hi Sending you both my love and will post soon. I lost my sons recently in similar circumstances I understand the horror of it all xx.
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Thank you Nell. Yes your right. This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I have lost numerous family and 2 close friends but absolutely nothing compares to this pain does it. My daughter was my world. We were very close and she needed me so much. I’m completely lost without her. The addiction destroyed her. It destroyed my business and relationships with family but I never gave up on her. A mothers love really is unconditional isn’t it. Sending a huge hug your way xx
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So sorry to hear this Jenna. Sending strength xx
Hi jenna and nell
I too am in the same situation but was too broken to say. My son was in hospital with a few issues mainly to do with his heart caused by drug use. He had given up using for a few years which made me so proud of him but he had damaged his body and it had caught up with him. He was due to be discharged as he was ok to leave hospital but on the morning he passed away . xxx
Sending hugs to you all. I know Julia we never give up,
He would always say to me mum you always have my back and i wouldve done anything fir him which i know we all would do for our children especailly when they are troubled. Take care all xx
Hello welshie
I’m so sorry for your pain. It is too hard to come to terms with isn’t it. You must have been so proud of your son to overcome his addiction. I know I was of my daughter everytime she tried to.
I’m here if you need to talk. Hugs xx
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Hi all, Welshie I empathise with you . My sweet boy jonny went in to hospital as an outpatient for some blood tests and died there 4 days later. He had constructed Hep C years earlier but was no longer an user. He lost his brother in September and had stated drinking quietly (he lived with me). It was difficult to see what was happening as we were all grieving and I had a terrible time with feelings of guilt after jonnie died. It is difficult to imagine not seeing either of them again. Trying not to look too far ahead as I find that intolerable. Sending you love x
My daughter had struggled with her mental health all her adult life. She tried to take her life 3 years ago. Luckily she was saved that time. In January I went to see her and she was asleep in bed. She did this quite often in the day, especially when she was depressed. My grandaughter and I thought she was ok. But she wasn’t. She went from looking like anyone asleep to suddenly dying. Her husband seems to have lost his mind and hasn’t even spoken to me properly and claims everything is fine, when it’s not. I can’t stop thinking about my daughter, how she suffered so badly with her mental health and how she died. We can never be sure (tho her husband says he is) if it was an accidental overdose sp as she was doing well at the time. Her husband went thru her texts on the day and she is telling friends that she really needs to get some sleep. It does look like it was an accidental overdose (she was on loads of meds). It’s so tragic and so sad. She still dead whatever the reason. I am thankful tho that she died peacefully in her bed. I have no idea how to start to come to terms with it. My heart goes out to you. It’s really hard. The worst kind of pain and misery
Hello all- thank you for all the supportive messages .
OOPS sent that too quickly.Nell so so sorry to hear about your lovely daughter. It is devastating for you and your family. I wish there was something I could say that would help but we all have to go through these awful first few months as best we can. I lost two boys in three months so am still battling about in the early stages although my son died 6 months. There are some great women on here that have helped me on a day to day basis and I am sure being here will help you on this sad journey. I send you lovexxx
Thanks Jenna i too am feeling the most awful guilt. I tried for over 20 years to get help but it was only latter years that he sought help but he had damaged his heart and suffered from recurrent endocarditis and it was too much for him xxx
Hello Welshie - It is a terrible ending when you have spent all these years trying to keep your son with you, I experienced similar with jonny It is the suddenness of the end that it hard to bear -I feel that acutely and that seems to Express itself in guilt, the emotion that brings one to their knees ,and it is pretty horrible to experience . A nd why should it not they are our babies and they are no longer here with us . People have said that the most acute emotions will quieten down after some time. I truly empathise with you with all of this that is all I can do and send you lots of love xxxxx
Hi Julia
I’m so sorry for your loss , please try to stay strong I know it’s so so hard everyone on this group know what it’s like to lose a child , is there any pain worse ? I don’t think so please keep posting and you never need to apologise, you are Heart Broken and grieving
We all understand what you’re going through
I lost my only child a year ago and every day since has been a struggle, but I’m still here and trying to live without him . I’m thinking of you and send you love and please ask for help if you need it x
Thanks Jenna, i know we are all suffering as we are all going through similar scenarios and i think it is the guilt that is on my mind at the moment. I tried everything that any parent could possibly try in this sittuation but i just keep thinking maybe there was something i missed. He was ok or so i thought as he had been “good” as i used to say to him for the last 5 years and thought we would be making up for the time we lost due to his situation but it wasnt to be. You take care also, sending hugs to you and all on this site xxx​:heart:
Hi Julia
I thought I would just send you a message to say keep going I know it’s so hard , like all of us on here losing your child nothing else can ever hurt you in the same way again .
Keep reaching out to those of us who understand only to well the hell you are going through, my thoughts are with you
And love and understanding