Hello, I’m new, I just stumbled across the page on Google while I was searching for some help on how the hell I get through a Christmas without my mum.
I try to tell myself I’m okay, and that I’m coping, but in reality I’m not. My mum wasn’t just my mum, she was my best friend, we spoke every single day, sometimes 5 times a day, she was my person, no matter what, she was there.
She had breast cancer in 2016, got rid of it and all clear. Then for 8 months in 2018 they treated my mum for “arthritis” loaded her with painkillers until one day she couldn’t walk. They discovered that day that the cancer was back, tumours in her spine, her bones, everywhere. This was a hard blow for us all, i was 6 months pregnant at the time. We all battled on together, she went through treatment. It was never going away and we knew that, the terminal diagnosis was forever in our minds, and I’m grateful for the time we had, but it just wasn’t enough. In beginning of July 22 they told her that all of her cancer was under control, there was nothing active and she was over the moon, then 2 weeks later they discovered a slight spread to the liver but ensured there was nothing to worry about. There were many treatments still to try, so we remained positive, mum had many bad days over the years, and especially the last few months, days where she wanted to give up but she didn’t, she was the strongest woman I’ve ever known. I shaved her head when the chemo made it start to fall out and she continued to stay strong. Anyway… they started a new treatment she became very nauseous and sick all the time, they had to skip chemo for a week because she was too sick to cope with it, and after 2 weeks she gave in and attended hospital to try get the sickness under control, this was a Sunday and by the following Monday we lost her, they tried so many anti-sickness meds but nothing was working, by the thursday she was seeming confused and on the Friday morning at 3am we got the call to say she’s taken an “episode” and we should get there asap. We arrived to her having seizures, 5 minute long seizures (that will live with me forever) we were told that in the 2 weeks from a clear scan, that the cancer had spread to her brain and there was nothing they could do, we spent the next 72 hours by her side until she passed, we never got to say goodbye properly, not where she was able to respond, she was unconscious the whole time.
She was 58, she would have been 59 in October. Next year would be my 30th and her 60th and I’m just struggling to cope with it all, It is so unfair. I cry every single day, my mind drifts and I’m back in that hospital watching her die again.
I don’t know how to get through Christmas without her, she was always the biggest Christmas fan, her house was like santas grotto, and now this year my dad won’t even put any decorations up because he isn’t coping either
Sorry for such a long post I just needed to get it all out