It has been 11 months since I lost my Dad, and recently, I’ve been struggling. I have never felt so low or hopeless. It is a difficult time of year. We only found out in March last year that he wasn’t feeling well (we thought it was tonsillitis). It was around this time last year when we realised it was Cancer (amongst other issues). A couple of weeks later, on 5th May, he was put into an induced coma, and on 13th May, the Doctors made the decision to stop his treatment, and that his life support would be withdrawn. He somehow battled on without it for 2 days and peacefully passed away with his family by his side. My brothers 30th was on 5th April, and my Mum’s birthday on 16th April, and this has been incredibly difficult along with the fact that the memories of 12 months ago are flooding back. 15th May is coming up too, my birthday is 23rd and my Wedding day is 25th. I feel like I have a lot on my mind. I genuinely don’t know how to carry on.
Yes I know how you feel. I lost my dad about five months ago, while in hospital myself. I didn’t really have the space to grieve then, but I’m really feeling it now. I know it’s a cliche but grief needs patience and time. I know from previous experience it won’t always hurt as much as this-you just have to hold on. But I do sincerely share your pain.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I similarly lost my mum last Thursday in intensive care where we had to stop treatment. I am so heartbroken so I totally understand. I fear the big events and how they sit . Have you had any bereavement counselling?
Sometimes channelling your thoughts and feelings can be good. On the days you feel your dad missing remember he lives on in the (good) memories and do
Something small to honour him. It’s ok to miss him and feel the way you do.
Thanks for your message and sorry to hear about your Dad too. I hope things improve for us both in time.
Thanks for your message Hannah, and I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum. Those first few days are a horrible, weird feeling, where you feel totally lost and in denial.
I did have some bereavement counselling at the beginning, but haven’t for a while now. Have you used any services yourself that you recommend?
Nothing specifically at the moment .
Would you believe I’m actually specialist palliative care nurse ? Whereas managing your own grief is totally different.
I’ve reached out to the hospital for initial bereavement support. And no doubt the hospice I work for will provide me with some support.
They always say that you accessing therapy anytime during the process of loss is beneficial.
I have counselling from a local group and go to it’s group sessions where people talk about mainly isolation and other problems. It is worth looking on line because there are charities, and support groups that will help if you reach out to them. I believe cruse is a good organisation with free counselling. Write back though if you need to vent. All the best
Yea I guess for me it feels weird asking for support again now as it has been 11 months. Maybe I need to remember that is will be ongoing and I’ll have ups and downs for some time.
Thank you, I think a support group could help. I’ll look into it.
Thanks for taking the time to reply, I’ll helps when you feel like you’re not on your own.
Grief is so not linear , don’t ever feel
Like you should be feeling “better” . Reaching out will help. You are so not alone
Actually cruse and some other services prefer to offer proper counselling around six months after bereavement. This when they feel it is most beneficial. You don,t just have to talk about grief itself,with a counsellor, it can be about anything and everything. I think it’s helping me, at least not to feel so isolated. They will do it over the phone, if you can’t make it in person. This I have found useful since
l can,t get out easily at the moment
.
I was just saylng to another cruse and other support groups feel most people are ready for counselling about six months in ,it is at its most beneficial. Give it a go.! And thankyou , l will reach out .you too when you want to talk
Thanks Hannah, and please remember these things for yourself too, we are often kinder to others than we are ourselves!
That’s great, thank you, will bear that in mind!
Hi, hope no one minds me adding this, but Cruse doesn’t have counsellors. They are simply trained volunteers, and I had a bad experience with my local one. He was a sticky beak who just wanted all of the details surrounding my dad’s passing. I fed back to Cruse that it was a terrible experience.
I got professional counselling through my employee assistance programme. It was beneficial. Sue Ryder also offers professional counselling.
Hi, thank you for your input. I hope you are doing OK.
I am sorry-I didn’t mention sue ryder because the help seems to be limited to some parts of the country ,at the moment. Cruse has more where I live. It was recommended to me when I was in hospital for other problems ,not just grief. It might not be for everyone. It’s not a wonder cure but it might help you feel a little less alone .
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Thank you, will look at both.