Struggling withoutyou

Its been 91days since I lost you my beautiful darling pauline I don’t know how I have managed so far all I know is the emptiness the longing for you and the loneliness doesn’t go away I feel like it’s getting harder everyday I hate this life now I’m existing in a life that I now hate because you are not in it all I want to do is be with you I have a cupboard full of pills and I want to just take them and put an end to it but I can’t I have to think of the animals so I’m trapped in this living hell of pain I love you with every beat of my heart I think of you every second of every day I have had 2 sessions of grief counselling now I don’t know if it will help but I have to try for the babies and for you there is no joy in anything any more nothing to look forward to I’m just here waiting to be reunited with you I miss you so very much it hurts baby I have never known pain like this you are my world and its empty now you’re gone the babies miss you too I want to look into your beautiful eyes kiss you hold you and never let go people tell me that I have to let you go but I can’t your part of me the best part of me your the other half of my heart you are my soulnate pauline my true love my angel

1 Like

Hi Casey1
I really feel your pain, its been 6 months fir me and everyday its every second my Marti is in my mind, I cant get him out of my head. I too wish I wasn’t here I so want to be with him as he was my world for 27 years, everyday I was happy and we were very much in love and now all that love he gave me has gone, gone forever.
Keep up with the counselling, it takes time to feel its working, but it can help, I have counselling, its taking me time to do tasks she sets me, some I cant do as my energy levels are low. Have you been back to your GP, they could refer you to have extra support in that they come to your home. I’ve phoned the smaritans many a times, it helps me to talk to someone. I’ve been on the Internet and joined The Loss Foundation too and have a first time zoom meeting with other bereaved people next Friday. I’ve joined Way Up as there are people on there you can meet up with who are bereaved. There’s a bereaved group I meet up with Wednesdays at a cafe in my town. I walk 3 times a week and play with my dog. Take one day at a time Casey, this journey is painful but we have to live in hope. But please try to get support, ill be thinking of you.
Take care, Amy x

3 Likes

@Amy49 hi Amy I am so very sorry for your loss its our anniversary next month it would have been 21years she gave me the best years of my life maybe I will contact my doctor to see if there is any other support I can get I have also called the samartians just to hear another voice thankyou for replying to me stay safe take care

Casey
If you feel your GP isn’t helping maybe see a different one in the practice. I changed to a different Doctors it was a bit nearer to walk for me which was even better and they are more supportive. Seek help as this is a painful journey to do on your own.
Amy x

@Amy49 I will call them and try to get an appointment to see my doctor I have ocd as well which is obsessive compulsive disorder plus bpd border line personality disorder and suffer with depression I’m due to see someone from the mental health team next week the loneliness is hard weeks without talking to anyone and I get what you say about energy levels I don’t seem to have any energy tired all the time I usually fall asleep talking to her

Hi Casey
So sorry that you are still suffering so badly with the loss of your darling Pauline. Time is definitely not a healer.
I wanted to share with you this lovely poem.

Conversation Interrupted - By Kelly Roper

There’s so much left unspoken
Too soon for our conversation to end
I thought we’d have so many more years
And so much more time to spend
I wasn’t finished with my “I love you’s”
I had a million more to go
You were my life, my lover, my friend
And I wanted you to know
I’m not ready to let you go
Off into that brilliant light
I’d rather have kept you here with me
And hung on with all my might
But it’s too late, death has stolen you away
And there’s nothing left I can do
So I’ll have to be patient until the day comes
When I can talk again with you

xx

4 Likes

Hi @Casey1, I am sorry that you are feeling so low. I lost my whole world almost 12 years ago. I can tell you that it won’t always be this painful. It does take time, but you can forge a new life for yourself. Counselling did help me, but I found that I needed to recover a little before embarking on it. There is also an organisation called WAY, specifically for people who have lost their partners. I found this helpful at the start of my grief journey.
Sadly I have just lost my mother, so I am trying to help my father, who is just completely lost after over 60 years with the woman he adored.
Please know there are people out there who care.

@sad2 hi sad thankyou so much for sharing the poem its beautiful it brought tears to my eyes I’m so sorry you are going through this heartbreak too stay safe take care sending hugs x

@Dol hi dol thankyou I am so very sorry for yours and your dad’s loss I will keep on trying taking one day at a time I owe that much to pauline and our pets

Please do if you can @Casey1 It’s really tough but your pets need you. I had 7 cats when my hub passed. Only 4 left now, but they kept me going.

@Dol we have 2cats and 1 dog cats are 4 chip and dale our dog cara is 12 they do keep me going I love them and they love me they give me a reason to get up I’m sorry you only have 4 left I know how heartbreaking it is to lose a pet they are part of the family thankyou stay safe take care x

@Casey1pets are very important, especially at times like this. Glad you have your beauties to give you a purpose. It is sad to lose them, but as we know that’s all part of life. Take care and stay well x

Please, stay strong, if only for her sake, lost my partner 15 months ago, I am not going to tell you its easy, because it isn’t, I would not lie, it’s hard, bloody hard, but you do get through, well kind off. .I am still here, ,yeah I thought about, ending the hurt, but we survive.

@PeteE59 hi Pete I am so very sorry for your loss I will keep trying I have to for our pets and pauline

1 Like

Keep plodding on Casey. I have got up to a beautiful, sunny day but it makes it even harder. We would have had a relaxing day together and planned things for our summer holiday. Now I feel that I am wasting the day because he’s not here to enjoy it with. Sending hugs

2 Likes

Have Granddaughter coming today, take her home tomorrow, she has me wound around her finger, got some of her Nannie in her. Take care.

1 Like

I lost my husband 14 weeks ago tommorrow, I still can’t accept it that he’s gone he was everything to me we were extremely close and so happy and in love even after years of being together we had older children from previous relationships and a 4 year old of our own . I still have bad breakdowns most days and I just feel as though he must be somewhere I need to find him and bring him home which sounds crazy , we were together all the time and I feel like Iv lost half of myself it just doesn’t seem real , he had cancer we didn’t know until it caused an obstruction that needed surgery and he already had health issues and a few weeks after surgery he went downhill , the hospital knew it was cancer 4 months before he was admitted with the obstruction and never let him know so he should have been having treatment and the surgery could have been avoided so he could have still been here and had more time so I feel so cheated on top of everything else

1 Like

It doesn’t sound crazy at all. What you’ve described is how I feel. I just wait for him to come in through the door and it doesn’t seem real that I can never have a two way conversation with him. With my husband it was sudden and we still don’t know why - I feel cheated that I couldn’t even say goodbye. Sending hugs

@Jules4 hi jules I know exactly what you mean its so heartbreaking without our loves here with us I dreamed of Pauline the other night she was alive and with me when I woke up I expected her to be here then it hit again that she is gone its the first time I have dreamed since she died keep on going jules I know it is so hard sending you hugs x

@PeteE59 hi Pete enjoy your time with your granddaughter and I bet she does its good to spoil them sending hugs

Back to top