Hi. Im struggling today. Im 46 and lost my mum when I was 24. She had had been sick for 12 years cancer, and my step dad called us to come to hospital. When me and brother arrived she told us that she was finishing treatment due to it not working and she would like to go to our local hospice to die. We got her into hospice and a week later she died. When my grief started I started to worry about playing boyfriend and girlfriend with my cousin when we were younger, I think I used this a deferring from my grief. I would talk to my cousin about it and feel better and then get on with my life. Ive not prossed my mums grief due to always worrying about that. But since 3 weeks now these feelings about my mum has raised its ugly head again, could this be my grief coming? My mind trys to grab at anything to avoid it, stupid things. Am I scared to grief? When I lost my partner at 21 it was my mum that helped get through it along with my counsellor. I worry without her I cant do this on my own. I did go to counselling after she died but all I was talking about was my cousin thing, was I using that as a distraction from the true pain of losing my mum. My mind feels like a cob Web of emotions. When I asked my brother how he dealt with it, he just said life is about living then dying and its sad but thats life. Me and my mum were very close and I told her everything and now she isn’t here to help me. Can anybody relate to any of this?? Thanks for reading my post. Ive also been to see my GP who has given me meds for my Anxiety
DearMarz I am sorry you are in so much pain. I think it is important to talk about your feelings and your suffering as it does help to get these thing out. Posting on this site is a form of therapy and I’m sure it would be a good idea to get some counselling if you can afford it. The more you can communicate your grief the better you will feel. Having lost the people who you would normally confide in makes life so much more difficult. Have you thought about joining a walking with grief group or something like that where you might find other people suffering in the same way and be able to help eachother. Walking in nature and doing exercise in general helps enormously with depression, anxiety and grief so if you can combine that with socialising with people who are in a similar situation it could be good for you. I hope you find some solace soon. Wishing you all the strength you will need and sending hugs
All the best Tom
Thanks for your reply. Yes I do like to be out in the fresh air, and love my garden. Im at home with family at the moment, and they know how I feel. I spoke to my cousin who is a counsellor today for 2hrs and feel tiny bit better. I know this is a process and it needs to be worked through, its not a nice journey and wish it would be over but with time and talking it will bring better days. Thanks for replying to my post.