I lost my lovely dad 13 days ago. He had a chronic condition for some years but all of a sudden became acute and now his gone. It’s felt so unreal, am trying to arrange the funeral now just tearful most the time. Feel so alone. My teenage son ignores me, my partner says the right words but has other priorities and siblings dealing with their own grief so don’t want to load more on to them. Finding it hard to find a good reason to keep going, just finding it so difficult. I know so many experience loss I just feel so new to this and don’t know how people get through it x
Hey
It is good that you found this forum is a helpful step. I know how you feel. No one should experience the pain of grief - it bears no description to any other experience.
I can tell you what i do and did.
I am sure others will weigh in.
My dad died in his sleep last summer. It was 100% out of the blue. He had nothing remarkable wrong with him. So we have struggled with ptsd on top of grief in a way that is unique to sudden death and very different to the traumatic memories of an illness related scenario.
I journal often - mostly on my phone because it is always with me.
Allow friends to be with you. That part was hard but you need them. Even to talk about nothing at all. Many people who have been through this will reach out if you let them and are open to it - I listened alot. It helped.
Breathe - one breath becomes another, one minute becomes two.
I shut myself in my room or house for hours at a time to decompress, cry, ponder.
If you are religious, some people find comfort there.
Walks, hikes, outdoors.
Go to a medium if you find a “real” one
You are very early. The grief is so strong it consumes you. There is no way around it. You must take care of yourself and do what is best for you - you have to baby yourself. Please be sure to eat - if food tastes like cardboard, at least stay hydrated and force yourself to eat one nutritious item a day.
Our bodies do not last forever - that notion eased my mind a lot.
I have teenagers too and am married. They cant really help us because no one can replace or ease what we have lost. But they can make it easier on you by taking on more responsibilities and allowing you to go through the range of emotions that have been and are yet to come.
Ell
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Thank-you Ell for your response. I am so sorry you had to go through losing your dad so unexpectedly. Journalling is something I feel I can do. Letting in others is so difficult tho, it’s the well meant platitudes or talk about normal things that seem so insignificant right now that I find hard yet feel so lonely when on my own. I have lots to do but no motivation. The funeral is is 12 days time but bit by bit this virus is restricting us from what we would like to do. It feels I’m letting him down not giving him the send off he so deserves. Like you say one breath at a time in the hope my feelings will change x
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