Struggling

Hi all. I’m 25 and I’ve never experienced grief before. Last Wednesday I lost my Nan who was pretty much like another mum to me. We had always been so close. She suffered with COPD and other lung conditions so towards the end she suffered quite a bit with chest infections, she was in and out of hospital. I suppose I feel guilt as the night she was taken in nobody could accompany her or visit in hospital due to this Coronavirus outbreak so she died in a side room by herself. I’m really struggling to deal with all of this. I have just planned all of her funeral to save my mum and uncle a job which I thought would keep me busy but instead it’s made me feel worse. We can’t see her until the 13th of this month and I’m struggling to sleep knowing she’s in the mortuary still which may sound silly. I’m trying to stay strong in front of my family and friends so I feel I can’t turn to Anybody with my true feelings. I feel so lost and I feel like I will never feel happy again. The thought of never seeing her breaks my heart. She was such a lovely lady with a heart of gold and whilst I’m relieved for her that she’s no longer in pain, I just can’t stand the thought that she’s gone. Does it ever get easier ? X

hi Support123
sorry for the loss of your nan,sadly we all react differently to losing different relatives,sorry the loss of your nan as effected you so much,i think you need to open up to your family.surely they will give you love comfort and support.i myself never got to see my 2 grandads as both had passed when I was a toddler.i was about your age or a bit younger when my grandma passed ,sadly she had a fall and broke her hip and with losing mobility it affected her circulation which led to a stroke,she was never the same after and didn’t even know who we were when we visited her.
I know its not helping you me telling you about my earlier losses.but hope you can find a way to communicate your feeling and sense of loss to your family.sadly at this time of night only a few people tend to be on to try communicate.i will say that lots of people on this site are going through similar emotions with the loss of their loved ones.sorry if ive offended you in any way,just wanted show that at least some body as read your post and hopefully a few others will respond later and give you better support and help.
regards
ian

Hi Support 123,
I just wanted to let you know I hear you. I recently lost my lovely dad and never imagined how difficult loss would be. What you have gone through is horrendous and wish to say this, please don’t bear all the arrangements yourself, I know you are kindly trying to save your mum and uncle but by sharing the arrangements it stops one person being overwhelmed during such a difficult time and several people having small jobs allow those grieving something to focus on. My heart goes out to you, losing someone who was like a mum and also at such a difficult time with all the restrictions currently in place. Be kind to yourself and reach out to those on here, I have found them a godsend xx

Hi Jiayne . Thank you for relying :blush: it’s nice to know I’m not alone which I have slowly discovered over this forum. Sorry to hear about your nan. That sounds terrible for you. My Nan really suffered with her lungs and chest. Towards the end she had to fight for every breath she took. She couldn’t walk, go to the toilet, she couldn’t cook or clean for herself and that really effected her mentally. She often used to say god help me and tell us that she was fed up and she had had enough Which in a sense does bring me a little bit of comfort, just knowing that she was ready and that she was happy to go. Thank you so much, I have been reading through other people’s stories but to anxious to join in. Hope you’re well and staying safe.

Hi struggling :blush: thank you for the reply. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I guess I’ve just tried to keep myself busy. My mum wasn’t ready to start planning, she spends most of her days curled up in bed so I took it apon myself to get things done (with their input). Due to this Coronavirus pandemic we have sooo many restrictions which breaks my heart for her because she deserves a lavish send off with all of her friends and family there. Instead we have had to decide on 10 people to be there. We can’t carry in her coffin, we can’t put flowers on top of the coffin, we can’t follow behind in a limousine (we have to use our own cars) we can’t sit together in the service, 2 meters apart. I’ve tried to make it as nice as I could do with in the circumstances. I just can not believe this is happening, it’s the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life and I can’t quite get over the fact that I’m never going to see this woman AgAin (well hopefully in another life ). Do you have a coping mechanism that you use ? Thank you again for replying , means a lot.

Hi Support123
I feel for you and am so sorry for your loss. My late Aunt Lizzie was like a mum to me and when she passed I thought my world had caved in. Just now your feelings are raw and this virus situation is making life so much more difficult but you will get through it in time. Please just be kind to yourself and with everyone here to talk to that will help you immensely. Take care xx

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