Struggling

My wife passed away 2 months ago. It wasn’t an easy time. She suffered a lot at the end. She had corticobasal degeneration, a horrible illness. We we’re together for 40 years. I can’t stop crying and feel completely overwhelmed especially in the evenings. I can’t get past thinking of all the bad and negative things about her illness that happened over the past 2 years. Had anyone had any experience speaking to a grief counsellor?

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Dear Gedwards,

That must have been so hard for you, to see your wife suffer and to loose her to a cruel disease. Anyone on here will understand that you are feeling overwhelmed by your grief. Two months is very early days. especially because you had been together for 40 years. I never knew how much grief hurts until I lost first my dad and then my mum.

From what I have read in posts on this site, speaking with a grief counselot can certainly be helpful. I have never tried it myself so cannot speak from exprience.

To get more responses to your question, you could write your post again, but give it a different title. I would suggest ‘Did counseling help you?’ or something iike that.

I hope that you find it helpful to read other people’s stories.
Jo

Thanks Jo
I have only joined this site recently and have spent the last few hours reading through people’s messages.
It helps to know I’m not on my own. I’m trying to get through one day at a time.

Many thanks for your reply
Gary

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Hello @Gary123,

I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

You were asking about counselling and Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. It’s free and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Take care,

Mick
Online Community team

Hi Gary123
So sorry for the loss of your wife.
Sorry you had to go through the Trauma and helplessness of caring for her and watching her deteriorating.
My Valerie passed on her 69th Birthday, 12/04/2021.
She had Breast Cancer then Brain Cancer.
I gave up work to care for her at home 24/7 for her last 5 months.
I’m 65 now and completely alone.

The Brain Cancer changed Valerie, her personality changed, she was paralysed down her right side,
half blind and almost deaf.
She changed physically, unrecognisable in the end.
Her last few days were traumatic.
I can’t get past the images of those last days.

I hope you and I can have thoughts of the better times we had.

Very best wishes.

Larry

Hi Larry

I think we’ve had very similar experiences. My wife Dianne passed away on the 22nd April 2021. She had a very rare brain disease which she had for 5 year’s.
It was sad and distressing to see because her personality changed over the previous 12 months. She was 65 and always a very loving and caring person. She didn’t deserve this. I’m 64 and struggling thinking about anything positive for the future.

Thinking about you
Gary

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Gary

I looked up Corticobasal Degeneration, Dianne didn’t deserve that.
You both had 50 years together, you will have some wonderful memories of the good times you had.
She will always be in your heart.
You did all you could for her, I’m sure she loved you more for that.

The first day after Valerie passed I removed all her photos from sight, I just couldn’t look at them.
Later I forced myself to look at photos of Valerie, painful and emotional and exhausting.
Then I placed photos of Valerie all over the house.
Every room has photos of Valerie.
I talk to her via the photos.
It helps me.

Larry

Hi Larry
I’m sorry you and Valerie had to go through the distress of coping with her illness. It must have been terrible for you both.
I’m glad you’ve managed to put photos round the house. I think that’s my next job.

Take care
Gary

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