Struggling so much right now. Christmas day will be 5 weeks since my husband passed, he was 49. Am dreading Christmas day wish it was over. Picked his ashes up today just doesn’t seem real 
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You’re right it’s surreal and crazy, I wasn’t prepared for how I would feel picking up my husbands ashes I was an emotional mess xmas is a struggle with the sentimentality and I also will be glad when it’s over, it accentuates the loss and loneliness and need to take each day at a time sending love and hugs xx
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Lisefin
Just over 6 weeks since my husband Gary passed. I have his ashes at the side of the bed and every night I kiss his photo and place my hand on the top of them. I’m not coping, still can’t comprehend what has happened. He was 58 and misdiagnosed since March. We found out in August it was cancer and operable, unfortunately October was a huge blow as he was deemed as palliative . I’m not celebrating Christmas, have no decorations, cards or even bought presents. I’m longing for the holidays to be over but don’t want New Year to happen as can’t bare to go into 2022 without Gary. It’s a no win situation.
You take care, I totally understand what you are going through x
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Thank you Mab, it’s so hard. Everyone is being so nice and this my seem.selfish but I feel like I can’t grieve properly because it’s Christmas and don’t want to upset people by being sad or crying. Sending love and hugs to you too xx
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Sharon I am sorry for your loss
It’s so hard I keep looking at neils picture, a family member actually told me to pull myself together and stop looking at pictures. That will never happen.
My Neil was fine, he wasn’t ill just said he had a pain in his eye and that was it, he had been fine all day. All in the space of 5 minutes he had massive bleed on the brain. Am the same nothing up cards or anything. Just want to go to sleep till the pain goes away but I don’t think it ever will. You take as well xxx
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Thinking of you all so hard when when your partner dies so near Christmas. My husband died in August and I know how raw that feeling was. Its so tough and keeping he will come home any day. Grief plays tricks with you hugs
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Sharon I totally get the moving into a ‘new year’ this is one thing I’m dreading too……he will never see 2022. It’s only been 4 days since I lost my the love of my life.
Be strong and look after yourself the next few days, we are all here to support one another x x
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OS77
You will still be in shock and auto mode. As each day passes for me it gets worse, my brain knows he won’t walk through the door but my heart longs for that to happen. I cannot come to terms with what has happened and I don’t think I ever will. No one can tell you how the journey of your grief will be, everyone is different. Me and Gary were inseparable and that is why I’m finding this so hard to cope with
Take care xx
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Sharon I feel numb, never known pain like it. Me and Neil were the same always together. I keep expecting him to be there. We have to be strong but it hurts so much doesn’t it.
Take care and look after yourself xx
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Thinking of you too Ang, I am completely numb. Its awful knowing he isn’t coming back. Take care xx
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Hi OS77
I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your partner, it is very raw pain with lots of physical effects. Lots of pressure to do the next steps and trying to do “what is right”.
There is not right, everyone would have their own opinions and you would not please anybody.
Please yourself and your partner.
Don’t hurry to make financial decisions. Try to apply for the bereavement support payment for the funeral cost.
Try to sleep even if you just rest in bed, drink and eat just something solid to have i your stomach.
In this forum would be people who can or have said their story about funeral and dealing with the next steps.
Hard to know what to do with many things that come out don’t pressure yourself get a notebook and write the thing to do in a short / long term.
Probably you still full of adrenaline that keep you going dont try to do everything at ones.
Focus in funeral the other things you can do later as the pain and the rawness hit you mind changes too.
Rest, try to sleep and eat, dont forget to drink tea or water.
I am here if you wish to chat. Hugs
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Thank you Devi……
My children have gone home today so I’m busying myself with taking the decs down etc and cleaning.
This evening I’m feeling all out of sorts. Everything feels pointless at the moment.
I’m due back into work on Tuesday and I can even face that.
I know it’s a process, I know I’ll get there but tonight I’m struggling.
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Just take a day at a time xxx
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OS77
How are you
How are you after going back to work, hope it help you to keep your mind on other things
Regards
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I’m not great, I’m really struggling. I feel like I’m putting on a huge mask and costume during the day.
I go home, exist and do it all again the following day. I don’t want to carry on at the moment.