It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I first came on here when I lost my son last November and reading other posts very comforting. I’ve been trying to live my life since. I am however finding it even more difficult than when it first happened. I’m angry, upset, broken, I just can’t seem to face up to the reality I will never see my beautiful boy again. I visit his grave every other day, I find myself apologising for letting him down somehow, I’m his mum how did I not pick up that he was struggling. The enormity of it all is so incredibly overwhelming. The worst grief is the future I will never have with my son. I look for him everyday, I see other people that look like him and have to look twice to make sure - only to be brought back to earth with a thudd that it isn’t him and never will be. I am totally lost without him and don’t know where or how to find some happiness to continue living my life 
. Thanks for listening
Losing your son last November is not a long time ago. I lost my daughter January and I’m still far from alright. I identify with everything you say. I don’t think we’re gonna go back how we were before. But somehow we have to make a way to live with the pain and have a life. It’s early days still and I’m not planning too far ahead. Having a bearable day is a win. Sending you best wishes xx
Hi J, I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. It’s only been five weeks since I lost my son and I can honestly say it is definately getting harder and the pain is unbearable. It’s like you say about the future you will no longer have with your son.
There is great comfort from being on this site and the people are so understanding.
Take care xx
Dear Ja15
I’m so sorry you’re on this journey with us parents whose children have left us.
It will ease…but it doesn’t go completely . You will find a way to live with your loss. My younger son Henry died in October 2019…I can’t go to his grave…it breaks me seeing his name and date of death. I used to look for him even though it was ridiculous to do so. I miss him desperately at times.
On a day to day basis I exist. I do find joy in life but Henry leaving has scarred me. I know he’s waiting for me and I need to be patient and wait for my ticket to arrive.
I’ve experienced every emotion as had everyone like us…
The people on here are amazing-I’ve had such lovely support and we’re all here for you too.
Sending you love and hugs
Purple
So sorry. I am still going through the first weeks after my son’s death so I’m in disbelief a lot of the time and when I realise it’s true I melt down into sheer panic. I imagine that still hits you every now and then, no matter how far down the line you are in your grief journey. I hope you find strength from the people on here and in your life. Xx
All I can say is, you are not alone, Ja15.
Grief isolates us, but there are others out there who know how it feels. Still early days for me, and I can see no end to it. A future without my beloved son is a desert. But my other children and grandchildren depend on me, so I must keep going.
May we all find some kind of peace and a way to live with our losses.
Sending love out there to you all. 