15 weeks today and wedding anniversary on Monday. Feel like I’m drowning with the pain, emptiness and emotional turmoil. Can’t see no positives in the future. Feel like I’m a terrible mam, I’ve got no motivation or even energy. I feel so drained and wiped every day
15 weeks is such early days and I’m sure you don’t want to hear that but the reality is, this hurts and it will fire a while but it does get easier. You’re not a terrible mum, your just trying to survive a traumatic event while caring for others and that’s so hard.
It will get easier, the pain does dull and it’s not all consuming but it takes time. Just focus on one day at a time.
@Sah28 It can be really difficult when an important anniversary is approaching, I know I usually fall to bits on the run up to these. For me it’s the anticipation that it will be painful, sad and a terrible time. It’s often the anticipation that’s the worst and it’s rarely as bad as I feared. I try at these times not to worry about he future to much, hard I know, but as someone on here pointed out to me the future will take care of itself, leave the future alone for a while.
I’m really sure you’re not a terrible mam, the fact that you are worried about it tells me that. IT’s really hard when the exhaustion hits, are you managing to eat and hydrate properly? I know it doesn’t seem important but it can really help with the tiredness.
It would’ve been our wedding anniversary on Monday, and it’s been 15 weeks for me too. It is so very hard facing these milestones. 6th August would’ve been his 66th birthday, and official retirement. It does feel very much like drowning. I still find it hard to imagine a future now that he’s in my past. He would want me to live life, though, so that is what I’m trying to do, one day at a time. Someone told me that the memories that make me cry now, will one day make me smile, I’m holding onto that. I hope you have family/friends around that can comfort you. Sending hugs.
@Chick I can feel your post. There’s never a good time to die but to know he was going to retire and knowing the future you planned is gone is harsh. My partner died at a Pinnacle time in his career, it’s incredibly sad that he didn’t get to fulfill his dream, he was so excited. It makes it all the more devastating knowing what they are missing out on.
@Ali29 It was really much the same for my wife, she had got to a point she had invested so much in and it was right there in front of her ready for the taking. I really struggled with that, her loss of that future, it was such a brutal thing to experience with her, knowing that she would never get to go further. I still struggle with that, try and tell myself that at least she knew that she had got there, that all her hard work had paid off. It’s small consolation but it’s all I have.
@Walan yes, like your wife, he knew of all his successes before he died, he just didn’t get to fulfill the dream. He was so excited for his future and ours.
We had just finished renovating a house in Spain. He was so looking forward to us spending time there, sitting on the terraces, enjoying the fruits of our labour. I took him for a month in May. We already knew then that he was terminal. He was so fit out there, compared to the tiredness of earlier chemotherapy. We planned another trip for late June/early July but he deteriorated rapidly and we knew he wouldn’t make it.
I have just been over for a week to deal with banks and lawyers. I got back today. Walking into the empty house was soul destroying. It feels so unfair that he never got to enjoy our lovely home.
I had my birthday day before Father’s Day all before the funeral. Sons birthday 5 weeks ago. I tend to emotionally spiral on the few days before an occasion I find
@Sah28 birthdays & anniversaries, etc, will always be the most difficult time, I think, because we know we’d be celebrating them together if they were still here. I will raise a glass to him on Monday, as I did on his birthday.