Hi all,
Struggling abit lately with posts etc my deceased partner’s daughter has been posting on social media.
I haven’t spoken to her since he passed as she was disrespectful in the hospital as he was dying and questionable things she did after he died. She’s coming across as she was always there for her dad and she definitely wasn’t and hardly saw him in the 5 months of his terminal diagnosis.
She’s an adult not a confused child and I’m not sure how to deal with this anymore.
Thanks in advance for any advice.
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@Lilly2 well grief and death certainly brings out the worst in families as I know myself. My son has been behaving out of character and he’s threatening to cut me out of his life for various trivial reasons. I hope it doesn’t come to this obviously but I’m mentally exhausted by this .
It’s always horrible when following a tragedy, an adult child suddenly changes. Personally I would block her on social media if you haven’t already , or if it’s not important to you then just close it down maybe. At least you don’t have to read these things .
I suppose there’s always the option of having no contact with the girl depending on how serious the questionable things are that she’s done . You could really do without the extra angst and upset at a time like this . I suppose it depends on how much you value the relationship and how close you were etc . Maybe one day she will change , who knows , but sometimes you need to be quite ruthless in order to protect yourself.
I don’t know if this the sort of advice you were looking for , but after dealing with my son being extremely difficult for the majority of the year since my partner died , I now have a different attitude towards him . My tolerance level is beginning to wear thin with his unreasonable behaviour. Take care 
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@Lilly2 unless you are wanting a reconciliation with her in the future would suggest that you block her on Social Media and wipe her out of your life. You don’t owe her anything and I would say that you are probably better off having nothing to do with her
Stay away from her and try to move forward with your life without her.
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Hi @Lilly2
So sorry to here of your partners daughters behaviour. But you just need to take care of yourself as you are still grieving and going through the psin of your loss.
Some children can be so un thoughtful and uncaring I know this too my daughter was not very helpful when my husband her stepdad passed away. In fact i have only saw her twice in 8 months and a odd few texts. I do understand she has her own life to lead but like you say they are adults and do there own thing. I have learned to just move on she will be in touch if and when she wants. Life is too short 
we dont know what time we have left so dont worry about others look after yourself and carry on with the life we found ourselves now in.
Take care stay strong rely on other friends and family to get you through.
Lynne Xx
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@Galaxy75 it doesn’t surprise me to read yet another heartbreaking post about adult children turning their backs . I have the same experience going on but I do tend to see my son once a week ( he thinks that’s loads ! Too much probably) .
I won’t bore you with the details because yesterday I got embroiled into a very unpleasant thread about this topic, the reason given that it was irrelevant. I didn’t agree . Family discord following a major death is so common , those who don’t experience it should count themselves lucky .
I’d love to share the easy relationship I once enjoyed with my son , but sadly his wife has other plans .
I hope you take care of yourself and hopefully in time your daughter will look in the mirror and wonder who she’s become . xxx
Hi @Ladysuisei6
Seems like its the way of the world now.
Hopefully in time they will realise just how heartbreaking being on your own after 37 years with your partner almost half your life really is.
Take care x
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@Galaxy75 well unfortunately death will come knocking at their door one day . Obviously I don’t wish for anything bad , but my loss was extremely sudden, totally unexpected and he was only 59 . The sad fact is that one day they will have the same experience. They think they are invincible. No , they are mean and very selfish actually. I feel very cross with my son right now , he’s trying all sorts to justify what I believe will end in no contact. At this moment in time I’m not sure I care too much about him
Hi @Ladysuisei6
Like yourself my loss was unexpectedly and sudden no indication of what or why it happened he just turned 63.
I would not wish this pain we feel on anyone it is so destroying
I only pray in time they understand what grief is and like you say no one is immune.
Life carries on and we get by each day.
Life will never be the same anymore but we must try to forgive them as sometime in the future they may need our help.
Look after yourself stay strong
Lynne x
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@Galaxy75 oh so your husband was far too young as well . This is all so heartbreaking. Unexpected death is so utterly shocking the effects stay with you as well as the grief .
Yes I suppose we have to try to find the capacity to forgive our adult children in time don’t we ? I must say , due to intentional cruelty heaped on me from my son and DIL , this will be very hard for me . Normally I’m ready to forgive and to a lesser extent to forget - unfortunately when your son tells you he wishes you were dead , it is such a shock it will be hard to forgive. But I suppose in time I will
Yes you stay strong too , despite it being so very challenging
Morning @Ladysuisei6
I know it hurts when our family say things to you especially when you are grieving and coping with the loss of a partner.
My daughter when i asked for support just told me that not to bother her as she had her own life and family to look after. It hurt then and always will but i cant let it bother me anymore and need to move forward.
I now am trying to get on with my new life ahead now and that as you know is hard enough but not impossible.
I will try to help others and plan to go back to volunteering again.
Life really is unpredictable no one knows what time we have left anymore.
Nowadays people too busy with their own lives and problems dont have time for others but if we are kind to each other it helps. A phone call a chat just to listen just helps people. Grieve is such a journey some days up and somedays down we just need to give people help to get through.
Take care of yourself
Lynne x
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@Galaxy75 yes definitely kindness is so important isn’t it . And even a 5 minute check.- in with my son every couple of days would help me no end . My son has been very cruel to me over the last few months , which previously would have been out of character but sadly not now . He’s changed into someone I don’t recognise which scares me a bit . I know he’s about to become a dad for the first time but in a way this makes it worse . He doesn’t seem to care how unkind he is . I’m finding life incredibly hard at the moment. Missing Baz is excruciating and I’m struggling to see a way forward. There’s not much to look forward to in life at this point is there . Take care xxx
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