I’m feeling very down today and have just fallen out with my sister who has told me the reason why my brothers and nephews never visited mum who we lost in February was because of me. I don’t know why. Just been to see mum up cemetery to apologise and now thinking I don’t want to be here but if I ‘go’ I won’t see mum in heaven . Whilst I was there I looked down and suddenly there was two white feathers at my feet (mum’s in with dad) I took this as a sign that they forgive me so didn’t do anything stupid. But now I have absolutely no one to talk to and no friends to turn to and now lost the rest of my family to talk to (not that they spoke of mum to me much as they dealt with their grief differently) why do I feel that im the only one who is mourning? Can I go on? I hope so as mum would have wanted me to.
I would seek counseling if you can. it helped me a lot. I attended a group and personal. if you have family conflict on top of grief, a counselor can parse through it with you and address it. you seem to carry a large burden too large to manage alone.
Hi Cenic
Please don’t think you are alone as there such wonderful people on here who will respond to you.
When someone close passes away there are so many tensions and emotions connected to grief. People fall out over the smallest thing and also in my case I found I took everything anyone said to heart and interpreted it totally different to how it was supposed to come across. Give yourself time to heal. Don’t worry about people who don’t worry about you ok. If that’s the reason they didn’t visit they should hang their heads in shame.
You need to focus on yourself from now on ok. Get stronger, look after yourself and heal.
Keep posting because soon others will reply I am sure
Love Deborah x
Hi @Cenic
Those that mind don’t matter, & those that matter don’t mind. Obviously I don’t know you, or your sister, so I don’t know why she would say that, or react that way towards you, it doesn’t make sense to me, maybe she was just lashing out in grief, maybe she was just being mean, or maybe they have issues they should of talked to you about earlier, I have no way of knowing, but whatever their issues are, you have 2 choices, 1) if you feel ready to, (& if you feel she wasn’t just being nasty, after all, you know her, so more likely to guess her motive in saying this,) ask them why they react like that to you, but only if your ready to hear their answer, or 2) recognise that you don’t need their toxicity in your life, let it make you stronger, like a phoenix rising, & create a new life, the way you want it to be. If you feel you need people to talk to, you can always talk on this forum, we are hear, & listening, I will admit I have Samaritans on speed dial, I have needed to call them so often lately it’s ridiculous, but at least I know they’re there in an emergency, alternatively, ask citizens advice about social groups & bereavement groups in your area, I go to a group run by the charity mind, they have been very supportive, so don’t despair, look at it this way, the world is full of people, & strangers are just friends waiting to happen. Sending hugs of support.
Lovely words Pandaprincess x
Deborah x
Thank you @pandaprincess I have looked at joining a local bereavement group and will perdue this idea as I feel that I need to be around people who really understand what I’m going through and where I can talk about mum rather than being told not to keep going on about her. This forum is great in being able to discuss/vent frustration and the support of ‘strangers’ who are so understanding is keeping me going. x
I HIGHLY recommend grief groups. those people were my people, and I didn’t even know them. but we were together on an island and we instantly were connected. we all felt and understood one another, could cry and be very depressed and it was all okay.