I am having a very bad week, I miss him more now, than when he died. I keep hoping its just a dreadful dream and I will wake up and he will be by my side again. It will be a year next month, just cannot believe I will never see him again, He was my world, We met so young and fell in love and planned to spend the rest of our days into our 80’s hopefully, This has been snatched away from me and I am left here on my own after being with him for nearly 52 years. Would have been our 50th next year. and his 70th what a celebration we had planned. Now it will never happen. I do go out and meet friends, and go out with the Way Up group once a month for lunch, then home to my empty house with just our elderly cat for company. I even now worry about my cat dying and leaving me alone. Just everything now I fret about.
Does it get any better, people say it does, although they all admit you never ever get over losing your loved one.
I look at myself and think I am 66 years old I could be here on my own another 20, not what I signed up for, I just don’t want to be her on my own.
I am going to make myself a cup of coffee now and then try and do a bit of gardening, His beautiful garden is n longer as lovely as he kept it, it was always so beautiful, I am trying to at least keep it tidy.
Evening June, I’m so sorry for your loss, and understand totally what you’re feeling, Alan was 70 last year, we celebrated our golden wedding anniversary March last year, 6 weeks later he passed away, 38 hours after the doctors told me further tests confirmed a malignancy, thankfully he didn’t know. We had planned to go to Turks and Caicos for our anniversary, which had to be a delayed trip as I had total knee replacement surgery in January last year and due to nerve damage during the OP, wasn’t fit to fly long haul until july/August so we booked for September sadly Alan passed away May 19th, I feel grateful we were able to reach our 50 years of marriage. Wed been together since I was 15. Like you, we thought we’d be together well into our 80’s, especially given that both our families enjoyed longevity. My gran lived to within 3 months of her 90th birthday. Alan’s grandad was well into his 80’s, his.mother 4 months off her 90th, my mum is still alive and in her late 80’s. Sadly, like you, I now face a bleak future without my life long love by my side.
I’ve never lived alone, and I hate it. We had a cockatiel who was Alan’s, he escaped exactly 2 months to the date Alan left our home for the last time when he was admitted to hospital. Monty was almost 22, he was very old and I firmly believe he had a heart attack as he flew away. Hed been spooked all day and in the two weeks prior I expected to find he’d passed away during the night every single morning I got up. I’ve since got a pup, she’s become my life saviour.
I truly hope you find the comfort and support from this forum as I have. It has been 10 months and one week since Alan passed and I find the thought of a future without him completely unbearable.
I have some ok days sometimes, most days are rollercoaster days the majority of the time. Just getting through each day at a time is all I can manage most of the time.
We never contemplated our lives to be turned upside down and cut short did we,
Jello June, we all know exactly how you are feeling and my heart goes out to you. I live in hope that there is something better out there and one day we will all find it. I too find it’s harder with time not easier as I expected.
I worry about my two dogs, what if I were to lose them, it would break me completely.
We have allotments and Brian left me with instructions on how he wanted his this coming summer. He ordered his seeds and they came two weeks after he died. We never could work together in the garden, usually arguments about this and that, so we had separate plots next door to each other. It’s a lot of work but I am going to give it a try and do him proud. Gardening is very therapeutic so go on give it a go. Throw yourself into making his garden beautiful not just tidy and make him pleased. It might be tiring but it could well give you something of his to focus on. I think of Brian watching over me and ready to tell me off if I don’t do things how he want’s them, then I can tell him to do it himself if he’s not satisfied. I have put a chair by his pond and wildlife garden so that he can come and sit and look at it as he particularly loved this area. We want to keep them with us and for me this is a way.
Take care and best of luck Pat xxx
So sorry for your loss and fully understand exactly how you feel. My husband of 31 years passed away 10 days before Christmas 2019, totally unexpected and sudden. He wasn’t ill or complaining of anything and had been to the dentist the day before for a filling.
Christmas was all planned, decorations were up and we had been Christmas shopping. But God laughs at those that make plans keeps coming into my mind and every day is a struggle.
My daughter and I play this pretend game of I pretend I am alright and she pretends that she is not worried about me.
I did have a bit of counselling, during which I spent the whole hour crying and came home exhausted so didn’t feel any btter from having it, but some people do !
I have not felt any better with time as everyone tells me I will and do hate the empty days like you.
Wish he was with me still and I do talk to him all the time, saying especially goodnight and goodmorning, telling him to stay close.
Not too sure what helps these days, keeping as busy as possible is still lonely. I have no pets.
All we can do is stay in touch with as many people that understand as possible and support each other on this site or with friends. Thinking of you and your sad loss.
Kind regards Lana