I lost my husband in May after 54 years together. I married him when i was 17 and have never lived alone before. I livenin a retirement village and am making myself join in something every day. I make mysrlf cook a meal every day , i laugh at thing but dont really mean it, i am so sad. I seem to struggle more in the afternoon and go to bed early, i have a son who does not live here and no other family. Gosh i miss my husband
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Hi. I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband and it was so recent you will be finding it so difficult to manage I’m sure. It sounds like you are doing all the right things in looking after yourself and although extremely difficult, these be helping even if you don’t feel it at the moment.
Keep trying to join in with daily activities and this site can be helpful for support and to share your thoughts and feelings.
We all understand how hard it is. Xx
Good morning @araenia
So sorry for the loss of you husband 
It’s going to be a big battle, navigating your way through your grief. You’ve lost all that you have know and the future you had planned has been cruelly been taken away from you. All them hopes and dreams just gone. It’s so sad and I truly feel for you.
You sound like your really trying your best to find your way, so well done for finding the strength.
As cliché as it sounds only time can help you learn to live without him, to learn who you are by yourself and to find a new purpose in a life that you didn’t choose. Hopefully soon you’ll look at photos or think of a memory and it’ll bring you comfort and not pain. For the first time recently I watch a video on my phone that popped up 5 years ago today and I felt warm and happy thinking of that time. I hope that makes sense. It’s a very rocky road, I’ve found grief comes in cycles one minute I feel like “I’ve got this” then the next “feel so sad because of what i have lost” i think now the “waves” are further apart and not as strong. I lost my partner in April.
Keep doing what you are doing, you’ll continue to make progress. Keep reaching on on here, everyone is so very supportive and non judgemental. Maybe have a look at some other posts and contribute if they resonate with you.
Sending you lots of love and a big warm hug 
xx
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Good morning @araenia
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husban.
It’s still very early days for you.
Lika @roni52 and @Katyh have said you are doing the right thing by going out and eating properly.
It will feel hard at the moment but you need to do anything you can to get through this.
I’m afraid its a long unpredictable journey you are on. Its like being on a rollercoaster of emotions, never knowing when the dips are coming.
But you will gradually learn to cope. The pain and missing will never go away, but you’ll gradually realise you are coping with it.
You’ll find many people on this site who will understand and be here for you, to listen and support. It really does help.
Sending a big hug x
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Good morning everyone. I read this poem today and I think it sums it up for us all. xx
There’s a part of the grieving process,
where your soul kind of leaves your body too.
As though it’s off searching for the one you lost,
somewhere in the ether.
You walk around,
doing all the right things,
putting one foot in front of the other,
living,
but it’s really as though you’re the ghost.
Perhaps you are.
Perhaps your soul searches,
until you find the one you miss,
and they tell you to go back and live.
So, when that numbness passes brave one,
maybe it’s time to do what you are told,
go back and live,
twice as hard.
You don’t belong there in the ether,
nor do you need to search for the one you lost,
they find you.
And when they do,
you’ll feel it.
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Thankyou all for your posts. 7 years ago he was given 9 month’s to live from merkel cell carcinoma, a rare cancer and went into remission. Now he then went in hosp for a lung biopsy for mesothelioma , another rare cancer and whike he was there he had a heart attack, eventually had an angiogram and they found he needed a triple bypass, then the results came back positive for the lung cancer so they couldnt do the heart bypass. They decided to put in 3 stents on the Monday, he was ok then something went awry in the afternoon. I spoke to him that night and went up to hosp next morning, he wasnt too good, i thought it was just the effects of the sedation. He wanted to see our son so he booked a flight for the afternoon. I left him to sleep after lunch and came home to wait for our son to arrive but we were too late, he died 40 min earlier. Sorry for the long story. I just feel so bad that i didnt know he was going, i wouldnt have come home and i didnt get to say goodbye. I wonder how much he suffered and if he knew. I know he was coming home to die of lung cancer, there was no treatment for it so i know it was a blessing he didn’t suffer any longer but it was too quick, I wasnt ready
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I am very grateful and thankful we got the extra 7 years and we were able to say everything that needed to be said and were able to discuss how life would be for the one left, i dont keep good health and he said i was going first so we joked about it all the time. New Zealand here so bed time now. Goodnight and thankyou, feels good to tell someone the story
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So very sorry.
I wish I could make it all go away.
It is so, so sad,
What you are going through is usual after bereavement. You are showing such strength although it may not seem like it.
May to July is such a very short time compared to 54 years. Although it probably feels a long time as well. So many people feel that.
Please continue to post on here.
We understand.
Sending a very big hug.
Love,
Rose xx,
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