My had been ill for a very long time with COPD and was constantly in and out of hospital but as a fighter he always pulled through. After being admitted in July with pneumonia doctors decided there was nothing else they could do and referred my dad for palliative care. My dad’s wishes were to come home which he did last Sunday, a care package was pit together that involves daily carers, district nurses and night sitters to support my mum with caring for him. Although we knew what what coming how he passed is haunting me and I am an absolute mess. The day before he passed he was actually really good, he even managed to get his hair cut! A night sitter arrived as usual and me and my mum went to bed to get some rest (I no longer love with my parents but felt the need to be close) I was woken up by the carer rushing in to my room in the early hours, panicking asking for my help as she said my dad had fallen… she said he was breathing but he wasn’t and he was so cold, he had already gone and I think he had been gone a while. It looked like he had tried to get up to use the commode… how could she not have heard him fall?! How long had he been there?! Did he suffer?! I’m just so angry… as it was not know what happened the police had to be called which meant my dad had to have the indignity of being left on the floor for hours. I feel like I’ve been robbed of the opportunity to say goodbye and all I can picture in my head is the image of him on the floor. It shouldn’t have happened like this… he should have been comfortable and peaceful in his bed… not on his own on the floor. Heartbroken.
I fully understand how you must be feeling, my husband died at home but under very different circumstances and I don’t know how would have coped with your situation but unfortunately things don’t always go to plan and you cant beat yourself up forever thinking of how it should have been. My dear friend had night sitters for her very sick husband and had a similar experience to you, she was so angry that the sitter wasn’t vigilant enough but I think this could easily have happened in a hospital or nursing home where they only check in every so often to see patients. My husband was found on the floor at the hospital as he was trying to get himself to the loo, they were so short staffed and it was a single room, goodness knows how long he had been there. It will take you a while to get over those angry feelings but try to let them go and remember your dear dad the way you would like to remember him.