my brother died on 30th December 2019 I phoned the ambulance at 7.26pm but he was already gone , which I knew inside.
My dad was on the other side of the world, literally and wasn’t due back til end of January, and we lost mum 2 years ago to cancer. Although we had nearly lost her to dementia before that.
Dont get me wrong I have a great partner kids and friends around me, but I felt alone.
3 dark weeks passed as the pm wasn’t due until end of jan/also when my dad was due bac so I suggested he stayed as he was with family.
I got up every day and functioned did what I had to then hibernate.
After his return and funeral it was like everyone goes bac to life, which is fair enough, but I feel like mine stopped to, or a part of me did.
Present day and I’m still signed of work , I dont want to feel like this forever.
Like every day when you wake up and feel heavy like u cant get up.
My biggest issue is I’m not very good at saying what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling.
I dont know if I’m still in shock or denial but I haven’t cried. Does that make me weird?
I’m trying to talk to my partner more and hes great but I guess it would be easier if it’s a stranger, hence my long rambling post. Sorry
Hi. Snoozie. A warm welcome to the site.
Sadly, your situation is very common in grief and you are NOT weird!! OK? It’s normal in grief to feel as you do, and what you describe we have all felt. Crying may well come later, but once again, it’s very usual to not cry at the beginning of bereavement. It’s so early for you and although it’s an old cliche it’s still true. Time has to pass. You will never forget, but learning to live with grief is something we all have to do. It’s so painful at first. As you so rightly say, although surrounded by kind people you still feel alone, isolated. This too is a common symptom of grief.
You won’t feel like it forever. It’s only a short time since your loss and the pain can often feel unbearable. Allow your emotions to come. Bottling up feelings is not good, and emotions are Nature’s way of relieving stress.
This is a wonderful site, and the support you get is from those who are or have been where you are now. Have you been to your GP? It’s a good idea to do so even if you don’t want medication. They can often offer advice and counselling, as does this website.Take care of yourself. It’s so easy to neglect your own welfare when in a state of grief. Blessings. John.
Hello, Snoozie,
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother, your story isn’t rambling at all, no you are not weird. I was the same when my beloved brother died 4 years ago and when my husband died 6 months ago, I am sure that the shock aneasthatises us. It is when it wears off that it becomes really bad, both of their deaths were sudden, I don’t think our minds allow us to accept it. Choose how many friends we have it doesn’t make it much easier.
Please keep posting, and as Jonathan says, this is a wonderful site and I am glad that you have found it.
Blessings,
MaryL
I lost my brother at the age of 29 the ambulance men were treating him as if he was drunk but he had a massive stroke but when he got to the stroke unit in hospital they gave him a supplement to penicillin but he was allergic to penicillin also after he had that medicine he had stopped breathing.
I am really struggling to cope atm and just having the support from family and friends so maybe talking to a stranger would help.
Hi there, I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother.
I lost my Dad in November and I’m still signed off work too. Like you, I wake up with that heavy heart feeling. Feeling stuck and pretty helpless as you watch everyone else get on with life and we are so stuck in grief. As others have told me, it’s still early stages. We are still getting over the shock of our sudden loss. I found Dad at home after a heart attack the day or night before. We never did a PM which I regret now so I had answers. I suppose the details don’t matter, the biggest thing is they’re not here anymore. Do whatever feels right for you.
If I need to cry, I cry. If I’m feeling too anxious, I’ll stay at home or try take the dog for a walk. I bought a special diary to write to my Dad in.
You’re not alone, please don’t feel wrong for your behaviour in anyway. There’s no guidelines to grief.
Take care x