He was more than just a friend. He was my best friend, the one and only person who actually knew the full version of me.
He was the memory for my life, and reassured people around me when they didnt belive i had a memory problem.
Hes who i called when i had no idea what i wanted to eat.
If i needed to vent and rant and rage he was always there to lend a ear or ask who he had to beat up. He didnt put it ao nicely if you know what i mean.
He spoiled me rotten, massages for hours, run back and forth to stores for me, help me with chores. Watch my daughter if i needed a nap. So many more things, but I’d be here all night writing it down.
He was always there to lend an ear to anyone who needed it. He took on everyones burdens and would jump for anyone before himself.

He replaced my last best friend who died in a motorcycle accident when i was 17. He picked up all my pieces and was the glue that held it all together. 21 years later he was found dead 6 days later all alone in his apartment with no idea what happened to him.

Its now 4 months later and i am just as lost, just as heart broken, just as alone and confused as when i first found out.

I cry myself to sleep every night and every morning.
I still talk to him as if hes there in the room with me. I still send him instagram and Facebook reels. But nothing helps. I still ball my eyes out. Knots in my throat, gasping for air between wails.

I just want my Chris back. I have no one to talk to anymore. I just want to go home. Home… i am so lost! I have no home without you.


Hello @KiTTiE,

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like you shared such a special relationship and it’s understandable you’re feeling so heartbroken.

I just wanted to reach out to thank you for sharing so honestly. I would really encourage you to speak to someone about how you are feeling. The following website might help you find support services close to home:

You deserve care and support, @KiTTiE - you are not alone.

Take care,

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Hello Kittie
I am so sorry for your loss and I understand how it feels.i lost my very very best friend in August 2023 of 20 years. Not only did we work together we also went on holidays together and spoke to each other every day. He was a kindest person and would do anything for anyone. It’s so hard to lose our best friend when they are like family to us.he also died unexpectedly which makes it even harder to understand and get closure. It really hits You In Waves so I guess but please know that you’re not alone. I started to write a journal when I get sad and I try to write about the happy memories we shared. I text him and talk to him.There will be good days in bad days but I know it’s very hard. Be kind to yourself and if you need to cry cry it all out. Write in a journal. Talk to someone or a hotline or therapist. Your not alone. Sending you so much love and big hugs xxxx lot of hugs.