I lost my partner on June 15th. His cancer was highly treatable, the prognosis was great. We started chemo and radiation on the 10th. Things were going swimmingly. We were heading into 3 weeks of “easy”…just radiation until the next round of chemo. That Saturday morning we were having our coffee on the front patio when things took a turn, he coughed and within 10 minutes he was gone. He bled out. Nothing the paramedics could do. Apparently a rare complication that a few more weeks of radiation would have addressed.
I cannot stick to a task, living with what seems to be brain fog. Can’t believe that any of this is possible. My friend/lover/partner closest companion and confidante of decades is gone, never to return. Cannot wrap my head around that one. All I do is cry. Everything is a trigger. Everywhere I look around here, he’s there. I’m so tired of crying at the slightest of triggers. We had so many plans for the rest of the summer and fall when we’d be through this.
Now, all that is gone. I’m at a total loss as to what’s next. How to honor him by living my best life. Seems pointless doing this alone though. Having always been an optimist, I’ve always held to the notion that “this too will pass”. Sure doesn’t feel like it though. I have no family, retired early and moved away from my social circle in the big city 8 years ago. Not much in the way of a support network as he was mine and I his.
Thinking of you,Cancer is a terrible thing as it is the body attacking it self. There will be times when something jogs your memories and then the tears come. It was like the other week, l suddenly remember the pain my son felt ,trying to get him down the stairs , because we could not get an ambulance to him to take him to hospital. He had secondary bone cancer. I send you my love
The only thing I can offer is to just get through the next hour, and then the next. 9 weeks for me, my husband had a sudden cardiac arrest.
There’s lots of support and understanding here. You are not alone.
Hugs xx
I’m Kate, a member of the Sue Ryder Online Community team, and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner.
I’m sure others will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share our Sue Ryder resources that you might find helpful. These include our Grief Guide platform which has information, resources and advice to help you understand and cope with your grief, our Grief Coach text message service and our bereavement information pages.
You can find out more about these free online services on our website at sueryder.org/support
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support, and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone
All I can say is take one day at a time cry when you want to don’t hold back what ever you are doing where ever you are just let it out .Try to take little steps it is a very lonely journey we are on even if we have people around us
Thinking off you
