I’m spiraling. I can’t cope with this grief and loss anymore. And the only way I am able to function slightly lately is to abuse cocaine. It is out of control.
Since losing mum in march 2018 I have lost someone I love every year since including my brother and aunty.
I’ve lost 2 close people who have been more like father figures to me.
How much more can I go through. I feel like I’m at breaking point I’m no longer working. The depression and PTSD symptoms were horrific at the beginning of the yr and I resigned my post of 7 years. I have no fucking purpose apart from my 12 year old daughter. I’m focusing on her so I can cling to some form of a life and so I do not end it. Because in all fucking honesty, I would not hesitate to if I didn’t still have my little girl.
I feel like I’m at breaking point and no one has a fucking clue nor do they give a fuck.
I don’t know how much more I can cope with. Really.
I’m so sorry your feeling this way. I think a lot of us have hit rock bottom at times. At least you realise this can’t carry on. I think it’s time to reach out for help. I had too a few weeks ago. My GP has been brilliant. I really didn’t want pills but realised I had to try them as I couldn’t carry on feeling this way. I now have a low dose antidepressant and sleeping pills. They are not magic, they don’t take away the grief but sleep and not feeling so anxious really does make a difference.
Do you have family or friends you could share how your feeling with? I hope you have a good GP. If not phone 111 and they will put you through to the mental health team.
Keep posting here. Many people have been where you are. I’m sure someone will be along with ideas of how they coped. For now look after yourself and your daughter x
I’m really sorry to hear that you are struggling with the use of cocaine, and that you’re finding it difficult to cope. We know that grief can be so painful to cope with. But it’s important that you reach out for support with this; you matter and you don’t have to do this alone. I hope the kind and supportive reply from @Helen39 has been helpful so far.
Turning Point also offers support, including Peer Mentoring, to people who are having drug or alcohol misuse problems.
The Samaritans are also always there for you, day or night, on 116 123. If you are unable to keep yourself safe, you can call 111 and ask for the mental health team, as Helen has suggested above, or go to your nearest A&E.
Please do reach out for further support - you are important and deserve help.
Hi and sorry for all your losses. Most of us here have felt they’re at rock bottom at times however if your using cocaine to block out the pain, it’s only going to get worse as your use escalates. As you know it’s highly addictive and difficult to stop. You really need to see your GP or get a referral to addiction services as soon as possible.
Have you tried councelling it does help some people. Do you have any family who could step up and support yourself and your daughter? I know you said nobody cares but maybe they don’t know how much you’re struggling. I lost my partner suddenly a year ago and it’s been a hard struggle I can’t imagine what it’s like to suffer several bereavements so close to each other.. Take care and keep posting.