Hi mark
What an awful state were all in , since reading your reply and a some of others posts, i think ive shed buckets of tears, once it starts there’s no controlling it. I dont know where it all comes from. One post was saying how finding comfort and happiness with new person, everyone has different ways and choices to life. I could never picture that, why would i , if he was here still we would be together till old , nothing could ever compare. Never mind my sons would be saying im disrespecting their dad , and our memories.
Light and thoughts, julz
Hi Mark / Julz
Just finishing work now & going home once again to an empty house. I just can’t believe it still a widower at 58. We were together for 34years & its over like a flick of a light switch. It only happened so quickly on May 15th. I have so much trouble occupying my time after work & feel so very lonely without my wife.
H,
I too found it difficult to come home, I was told to leave the radio on when I went to work so I didn’t walk into a silent house, also sleep in another bedroom, also when indoors do a jigsaw or word search or something else that you have to concentrate on, I found these things made it a bit more bearable to be at home.
My dogs are the answer. They give unconditional love and when I just wanted to lie in bed and die in the early days, I couldn’t, they let me know it was time to get up. So reluctantly I got up and took them out for a walk. The walks are the most important part of the day. I meet other dog walkers and walk and talk with them and I never come home to an empty lonely house as they are there with their loving welcome. As you work this might be difficult for you, but seriously worth looking into I can assure you.
Best of luck Pat
Hi guys
Reading thru all the posts I identified with so many of them, I lost my hubby at the end of March since then the lows have been so many, I have done many things to try and help. I played his funeral songs every night reason: because we loved the songs so much but I couldn’t listen to them without crying pleased to say I am back to loving the songs for the happy memories associated with them, I still cry now and then but not as uncontrollably. Hubby had a chair too sat there all the time, I gave it away this week reason: my grandaughter got upset every time someone sat in it, hubby didn’t want a shrine, so as a family we decided to give it away to a charity that he supported. Like others we worked and travelled together everyday. I changed the route to work some days I did our route and now I mix it up, must admit work was difficult I see his office everyday but they decided not to put anyone else in there it’s now a meeting room, this helps because it changed the rooms focus. I am trying to see things in a practical manner (it’s the Yorkshire in me) as for the stiff upper lip bollocks anyone who has lost the ying to their yang will tell you that’s impossible. Male or female cry scream shout weep do what you need, this thing where people assume you can get back to normal after a few months to utter tosh, their reality doesn’t change much, ours have, it’s been blown apart. I decided that I didn’t want to use my grief like a comfort blanket so I focussed on he things that hubby and I talked about, I am working on his list, fixing things etc, it has given me relief and I have started to see our house as the wonderful happy home that it was and will be again. It has to, I discovered that I like building things and when something seems impossible I hear his voice saying come on baby you have got this. I miss him every second every moment every breathe but I have to try and move forward not on just forward.
my husband passed away 19th May 2018, some days it’s as raw as ever, theres no rhyme or reason how or why this happens.
yesterday morning I went shopping, I’ve begun to hate food shopping or shopping of any kind since he left, so I’ve reduced it to once a month sometimes longer. only way I can cope with that. anyway, I’m digressing, nothing new there, yesterday morning a song came on the car raidio and it reduced me to floods of tears, I must have sat there a good 15 minutes or so, I could see other shoppers looking in my direction yet I felt invisible. we all try to cope in the best way we can.
I have always said there is no quick fix for grief, grief is personal to each and every one of us, there is no time limit either. none of us wanted to live what is now a different life to the one we once knew and loved, this future life isn’t a new life, it is a different life.
the other week I posted about how some people treat us now we are without our husbands/wives/partners, they treat us as aliens, we are not the aliens it is the world that is now alien to us.
if I didn’t have my lovely, but impish pug, Ada also our daughter’s pug Winston, I would be in a worse state than I am at present. they give me a reason to get up in the morning, could cheerfully strangle them at times, but I don’t. they have been my lifeline.
things that used to interest me have no attraction any longer, perhaps in time they may, for the present, I live each day a day at a time.
I truly am sorry for the loss and pain you all feel, some days will backed easier than others, I’d be lying if I said every day becomes easier, it doesn’t, we will all endure setbacks for whatever reason. maybe a song on the radio, a chance remark, something you learn or hear and want to rush back to tell your other half then realise you can’t.
people who have never experienced what we are all experiencing don’t know how we feel, we hear them telling us it’s time to ‘move on’, Move on to where, move on from where, they have no idea. a dear friend who lost her husband 17/18 years ago once told me, you never forget, there’s no ‘moving on’ you just learn to live with your loss. she met someone new a couple of years ago and has remarried, for me this isn’t something I’d even contemplate, others may feel differently. we are all different yet joined in our grief. we all do the things that make it that little bit easier to get us through each day
sorry for my ramblings, truly hope today will be a better day than yesterday and tomorrow be a better day than today.
blessings
jen☆
1 Like
Still the pain goes on. . . my partner of 30yrs died suddenly on the 25th may 2019 aged 44, in the presence of myself and eldest son aged 25, my son has severe LD, the doctor has suggested counselling for post traumatic stress disorder, we both duffer flashbacks, nightmares etc. aswell as coping with the grief and loss. My other son is coping in his own way and appears quite strong , distracted with work. I am struggling working full time and coping alone with daily tasks, my eldest son recites the death of his dad daily, he finds it hard expressing his feelings, he was extremely close to his dad , spending almost every waking hour together, learning him all sorts of things, because of age they were like brothers than father and son . My son tells me he feels like hes lost everything since his dad’s gone, andwants to be with him and his feelings build up and the anger comes , he can be verbally aggressive if i ask for help around the house, its like walking on eggshells . I know it part of the grief process, as he is the most kindest person normally, he wont speak to anyone but me about his dad which makes it hard as i think hes trying to be " the man of the house" , im trying to stay strong for us all but im falling apart. Sending love
Julz
Hi Day at a time,
Reading your post , so similar in part my partner aged 44 who passed suddenly 25th may 19 , was a chef and love shopping , he would have us going to food fairs , specialist shops and in general hours going around shops. I have started avoiding being in shops , generally in and out as quick as possible, my son can just say this is what dad likes or this is what dad would buy and I’m in a meltdown. My partner was a self taught cook and worked as a head chef for the last 4 yrs, somedays the daily chat is comparing my cooking to his. He would be laughing at the cooking chaos in the kitchen now, as long as the kitchen’s tidy and the cookers spotless he’ll be happy.
Sending love to you all.
Julz
Hi All, Another dark lonely night, i think ive exhausted myself working from 8am till getting in 6pm. Just sat down been cooking and going around in circles. Its the only way i can get atleast a couple hours of sleep. Staying still makes my mind go into overdrive, then the tears come. Dear or dear.
Julz
Hi Julz
I’m in a similar place exhausting myself with work and the garden all in the vain hope of some sleep. Been offered help but don’t want to go down that route. I crave sleep but haven’t slept properly for 8months since hubby went into hospital and has been worse since he died 6months ago. Take care.x
I lost my partner on 3/5/2019. Sudden Death, lost/heartbroken/devastated without him, I Feel your pain, I hope sharing this overwhelming sense of Loss with other people will help me too. I was in denial for so long it only really hit me recently that my husband isn’t coming back. Struggling to cope with this at the moment. As it was sudden death , we have an inquest in October which I’m hoping myself and my children can cope with. Wishing you all strength at this difficult time.
Losing your lifelong partner is devastating as I found out on the 3/5/2019 . As it was sudden death and my husbands Inquest is in October I’m still struggling, lost, in shock, don’t know how I get through the days, my son and daughter are adults with their own families now but I see them most days which helps a little but nothing or no one can make me feel ok, only my husband, I’m lost without him. Can’t think of a future at the moment, feel bad thinking like this when I’ve children and grandchildren, but 33 years with someone then their suddenly gone, unbearable!
Hi Karen
My god I feel exactly the same. l lost my lovely wife after 32years of marriage on the 15th May suddenly. I have grown up daughters living at home but the house is just like a shell without her. Life is unbearable pain. I am doing things like walking to stay out of the house as long as possible. I still can’t believe I have lost her forever. I an tearful writing this as i think about her all the time at work & how i desperately wish i could change the course of events. I have been unbelievably selfish telling my daughters i feeling like ending it all through absolute grief and loneliness forgetting their feelings. I am so frightened going forward without her and miss her so much. I cant go to her grave because of the immense sadness and grief. I cant sleep in our bed and i cant spend to long in the living room looking at an empty chair. Take care MH
Hi Martin,
I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your lovely wife so suddenly in May this year. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed and in a lot of pain - this is completely understandable after such a significant and sudden loss. You mention that you’ve had feelings of ending it all, which sound very difficult to cope with.
I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
We offer online bereavement counselling to members of this community. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling
You deserve care and support so please, Martin, get in touch with one of these services.
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Take care,
Eleanor
Hi Eleanor
I see a counseller & to date I have had 7 sessions. The sudden loss of my wonderful wife & the trauma it brought me has left me totally devastated. She has health issues over 15months ago which she corrected through shear hard work & to die suddenly from something unrelated was completely shattering. She worked so hard to get her life back and was doing exceptionally well, what a bloody cruel world we live in to repay her hard work. My life was always centred around my wife she meant the absolute world to me. I worshipped the ground she walked on. She just turned 60 in January then passed away suddenly in May! Heartbroken Martin
Hi all, well it’s been 5 mths today since my whole world fell apart, after 30 yrs together my darling soul mate went with the angels aged only 44. The days are so long and i crave to hear his voice still. The house feels like a house and no longer a home. The days are taken up by working longer hours as to not be alone. This is not a life its just existence. X
My husband is everywhere I look but nowhere I am. He was taken from us in September. We were married for 24 years, together for 26, have 3 children. He was only 48. Now I have a trial ahead of me and have to face the person who took him from us. Losing someone in the prime of their life absolutely guts you.
Morr, I’m so sorry for you loss. I hope you find support on these forums.