Last year in March, my 35 yr old son died unexpectedly of a cardiac arrest, he had cpr for 45 minutes but was pronounced brain stem dead the next day. He had been back and forth to the GP with chest pains but it was put down to stress and anxiety. I have had a few firsts without him, but now it’s heading to his first sunset day and I just don’t know what is the right or wrong thing to do, Anyone out there with any ideas, do I meet up with all family and his beloved friends or sit at home?, I still feel in shock tbh and can’t believe it’s been almost a year, I still cry a lot , bury my head in the sand a lot . It’s all just a living nightmare isn’t it
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I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. This sounds very much like our situation. I lost my beautiful 33 year old son, Simon, probably to a heart attack, although the post mortem was inconclusive. We are waiting for the toxicology report which will be arriving any day soon. He was on his own and lying in bed in his flat, but he managed to call 999 before passing out. The ambulance crew broke his door down and spent a very long time trying to get him back, but it was no use and he had gone. Simon thought he had been suffering from long covid, hence the chest and rib pain and the breathlessness. He had blood tests and an xray which showed all was normal, then later another phone consultation with the surgery, where the implication was that, yes, it was long covid and he should just carry on doing what he was doing (resting and pacing himself). No further tests were offered. I am continually thinking about the what ifs and the if onlys, and it is very hard to move on. I am not sure what we will do on the anniversaries of his birth or death. Perhaps you could just ask family and friends to pop in throughout the day, without making it too formal or stressful? I know there are some other people on this site who have written about what they have done.
I am so sorry to hear about your son and fully understand your pain. I too lost my precious son in May last year. He was 33 years and, like your dear boy, also suffered a sudden cardiac arrest, hypoxia and, after eleven harrowing days in a coma, was pronounced brain dead. We had to terminate life support. He had suffered AF, severe fatigue and breathlessness prior to his arrest. However, due to hospital mistakes he never got the urgent appointment to see a cardiologist that he should have received. We are still reeling in pain and anger. We find distractions and keeping busy with friends, trips and walking helps us .
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I too lost my son in March last year from a sudden heart attack. He was alone in his flat and I live 200 miles away. It was and still is a nightmare because I hadn’t seen him for several weeks. Wondering if I could have seen something was wrong and made him get checked out. It’s living torture, no family no real friends near and my partner is not his father. He is good and does his best but has no children so cannot really understand. At least I am old so perhaps it won’t be too long till I am out of this misery.
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This must be so difficult for you having no family or real friends nearby. I am surviving on friends and long walks in lovely surroundings. When not doing this I revert to default which is thinking of what my dear boy has lost. He was going to be married 6 weeks later and then possibly grandchildren. My loss seems selfish when I think of his
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