I lost my Dad very suddenly just under 3 weeks ago. One minute he was fine next minute bam! I walked in when it was all going on. Told by 999 to get him on the floor and do cpr. Ive been trained how to do it but god i remenber thinking this doesnt feel like it did on training. He never came back. I think it was instant but until they turned the machines off never wanted to think it would happen. I just feel hopeless and low. I dont know how to feel like i did.
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So sorry for your loss. It must have been traumatic being the one to do CPR, such a shock. hugs you There are many here who have lost their dads, me included, and we understand. It’s normal to feel hopeless and low. 
Thank you for replying. It feels sureal. I keep replaying the day over and over. It all still ends the same way. But i cant stop myself from seeing it. I want it to go away
I think you always have those flashbacks when something happens to someone we love, but even more so under such difficult circumstances. It’s a trauma you’ve been through, reliving it is bound to be painful and of course you want it to stop. Maybe it would be good to talk about it, not only here but also if you have someone close that will listen. Or a grief counsellor.
RACE28 how very traumatic. My mum was with my dad when he had his cardiac arrest, and she had the trauma of dealing with it all on her own, and delivering CPR for the first time (in practice, or in real life).
What do you mean about turning the machines off? In hospital? Or, the defibrillators at home?