My husband aged 50 became seriously ill with the recent coronavirus He was taken to hospital and died within 48 hours of admission. This happened just over a week ago. I am at a complete loss as to what to do I cannot believe that he has left me and I don’t know what my life is going to be without him. How on earth do I even begin to grieve this loss? I can imagine not wanting to live without him here. Although I couldn’t do that to my family this grief is going to become all consuming and I’m not able to see life beyond the funeral.
very sorry for the loss of your husband.nothing anyone can say will be able to relieve the heartache you are going through.id like to be able to reassure you things get easier.
sadly there are no hard fast rules in grief.some of us manage to bottle the pain up and find ways get through the days weeks etc others just cannot cope very well the sense of loss is so traumatic and makes life so unbearable.we cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel.
im here and I cannot tell you how,but wont go into my issues,just please know that several of us on this wonderful site have and are experiencing the loss of our partners ,who we are missing like crazy.and they will more than try to give you a little help advice or just a bit of comfort to let you know we care.we know all the emotions the what ifs the why as this happened and as you are very much just starting this at times very long winding road we call grief your feelings will be very raw and it will seem like nothing matters.hopefully your family and close friends will reach out to and give you some much needed love and support.just write whatever you need to as you will never be judged by any of us.
please try stay safe and know we will try be there for you when needed.sorry for repeating myself in places ive just stirred and noticed your thread.
Hi Sammy 74.
So sorry to hear you have lost your husband so suddenly to this horrible illness. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly from a brain hemorrhage but I was able to be with him. I just cannot imagine having to go through this without the close comfort and hugs of family and friends. Sending you love and strength to get through the days ahead.
Please keep popping on to this site, usually you will find someone to offer a little support.
I’m so sorry to hear of your sudden and devastating loss. I understand the dreadful feelings of hopelessness and disbelief. When I lost my husband in February I felt like my whole future had gone with him. I found some comfort in the messages from others on this site who have gone through the same awful loss, and I hope that you will too. There are some very wise and understanding people here.
I lost my husband over a month ago and he was so young, only 39. I have no idea how my life would be without him. I am trying to get better for our son but the days are getting harder and harder x
How are you doing. I lost my wife aged 53 a month after you lost your husband. How are you coping. Your a month ahead and I was wondering if you had any advice. I find everyday a struggle especially when I wake up and go to bed.
Not the same but our loved ones left us suddenly at a young age.
Hoping you are taking care
Sorry for the delayed reply.
I found Shock was a huge factor for me. I still feel it now. I’ve started counselling which is helping a bit but nothing fills the chasm left by the loss of your partner. I’d been with Pete for half of my life and now feel so lost. Part of me still can’t believe it is real. I find myself sobbing begging him to come home. There are so many challenges: thinking of calling or texting him is so hard because it catches me out. I honestly don’t know how tomorrow will be let alone any time in the future. I recorded his funeral on my iPad for those who couldn’t be there and I find myself watching it again and again. I just want to be near him. I’m having the garden done atm which is difficult enough but one of them mowed down an apple tree that we bought together and I made a crumble every year from the apples. I felt I’d lost even more of him. This pain is unending and unrelenting. I said to my parents I could understand how when couples die together it’s kinder. Boy did that blow up in my face! That to them meant I was suicidal. They obviously want to protect me and help but when you lose someone so suddenly there is no appropriate way to react. I’m not suicidal because the pain of losing Pete is something I have to live with. I’d never put them through that. Our journey through grief is individual and is never wrong as there is no right in any of this.
Sending lots of love and support to you xxxxx
I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand how you are feeling. I lost my husband on 1st June he had a sudden heart attack he was 52 I’m still in shock and now the funeral is over and the visitors and flowers have dried up I’m just lost. I have found great support from and organisation called WAY (widowed and young) there are a support community for anyone that has experienced the loss of a partner before their 51st birthday. Take care take each hour at a time and feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to. Jennie xxx
Do you recommend WAY I have looked at there website. What can they offer the others don’t. Hope you don’t mind me asking.
Hi Jay the Facebook groups are really supportive. Out of lockdown there are local meet-ups (you can join more than one group). They arrange holidays and outings so lots of social events to get you out of your own head. The zoom events have been great just knowing everyone is in the same boat and not judging you. I have found them a real lifeline
Thank you. Just making sure it’s not a money making site
Hi there Jay. I hope you won’t mind me stepping in here. Regarding returning to social activities, do please be careful your loss is still raw and you need time to adjust to the change in your life. I found that I had no inclination to socialise or rush out to make new friends, do voluntary work, join clubs or classes all the things I was being advised to do. I needed time to grieve. I do not lead a solitary life we had hobbies which I am still active in but when I tried to join in social events with known friends I was surprised I found it distressed me even more. It made my loss more obvious. The thought of holidays and outings in a group would have been and still are unimaginable. However in time I began to return to the land of the living, but it was just that, in my own time and when it felt comfortable and I could enjoy. I have no doubt that these organisations are a godsend but do it in your own time, have no expectations at first or like me you might find it adds to your distress. However others have found that joining with groups to be their way forward through grief.
Good luck to you.
Thank you. I can visit a friend’s house but anymore than that is difficult as we would have gone as a couple. It is still very raw and am only doing stuff if and when I’m ready.
Not used to this life I never wanted so early.
I put a post on earlier on this very subject. It is a year just now since I lost David very suddenly to a brain hemorrhage. After a few months my family were encouraging me to pick up the threads of my previous life. If I could report meeting friends for coffee, going to the theatre they seemed happy. I was not. I could not return then to my volunteering role in the local hospice and dug my heels about that. And then along came lockdown, and do know what? I found I was able to grieve, to cry, to be totally self centred without pressure to ‘get out and do things’. In the last four months I have found my memories of David returning on a daily basis, I now can bring into my mind his smile, his walk, his total love. My memory was blank for months and that was a worry. I guess I was trying too hard to please my family. I don’t know where life will take me now, but I know David will always be part of me.
What I guess I am trying to say is, be guided by you, your feelings and the love you still carry in your heart. You, and only you, will know when you want to join in life. If it is tomorrow that is perfectly great, if it is not for a few months, that’s fine, if it is next year that is fine too. Be selfish for a little while, not too long though.
Sending you best wishes, I hope you find a little peace.
I can totally relate to this. I’m 53 and my Frankie was 51. I’m normally a very sociable person and love meeting new people but even bumping into people in the street is awkward. " How are you?" How you managing? " However I refuse to hide away. That’s just me. Normally when I’m working I love locking the door to the outside world for a little while and I’m still doing that. It’s so hard to explain. I’ve done little things like today I did a 45 min walk to Aldi and got the bus back. Not forcing myself but just wanted to do something boring and normal. Now I’m listening to a play list I made before the funeral and having a glass of wine in the garden. I’ m spending the day with my best friend tomorrow. No rules. Doing what I’m comfortable with when I want💙
Glad to hear you did your walk today and enjoyed your glass of wine. Little things, but big things for you.
Hope your day tomorrow with your friend allows you to talk about your Frankie, memories, laughs and tears.
Good night for now.