Sudden death of husband

I am 70 and my husband was 66. He died very suddenly 5 months ago from a blood clot to the lung. I seem to cry all the time and am worse now than immediately after his death. A lot of it is guilt, guilt that I didn’t do more to get him to see a doctor about the pain in his leg and guilt that in the months before his death things weren’t too good between us, and now it’s too late. I can’t talk about this with my family and I have no friends here, we only just moved to the area. I don’t know how to cope with his loss.
Thank you for listening

Hi Merilly im very sorry for your loss .My advice is this go to your gp re medication to help you through your nightmare (im on medication ) take it day by day maybe phone the Samaritians (i find them a great help ) also try to have some me time .To relax because your nightmare will still be there when you return to reality.You have friends on here that understand what your going through .Myself and a lot of othnters dont mind private messages .Dont be afraid to offload on here .There are people (sometimes myself ) that are on here every day and also the early hours of the morning .Dont think ooo im ranting theres no such thing in this special club .Please keep in touch on here Colin (im 57 my wife passed 04032016 on her 41st birthday )

Hi Merrily
So sorry to hear about your husband. I lost my husband 7 years ago, but have still not come to terms with it. Medication did help me at first, I was not able to get out of bed some days, but eventually I stopped taking them as I knew I had to fight it myself. I havent been able to talk to my kids properly - after all arent I supposed to be the one to look after them? One thing I have found is that you just have to take each day, no each hour, at a time. People do not realise how your whole life changes when you lose someone dear. I wish you well, just hold on to your memories. Regrets are futile, although I had lots of those myself, we all would do somethings different if we had hindsight. Take care.

Thank you for replying to my post. It is good to know that other people understand what you’re going through. I might try counselling if things don’t improve, but this forum has already helped a lot.
Best wishes and thank you
Margaret

Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad I looked online for help in bereavement, I wish I’d found this forum sooner. It is just good to talk. I can’t really talk to my children because I know they are also grieving, and I try to pretend for their sakes that I am coping so that they don’t worry about me too much. I don’t want to take medication if I can help it, I just have to carry on and hope things get better.
Best wishes
Margaret

Hi Merrily.Havent been on here for a bit. I feel for you.I lost my darling in January and cry bad every day.he was very ill towards the the last few months and I think he just had to go. A very strong battle for 11years.I am 48 .John 61. A very young 61!! Guilt is horrible but can’t be gotten away from.try and slowly think it all thru. Every couple has good and bad times.maybe a bad time just happened near to his death and makes it larger to you than it actually was? I go thru so much ( should I have shouted more at hospital? Should I have argued more about medication? One of my worst ones is stretching out my back and rubbing it and saying it was sore! Now I look back and think how could I be so selfish? He was putting up with horrible symptoms and never complaining and I was moaning about my back being sore because I had to help lift him. God if I could turn back time I would try not to do that.but I was tired(exhausted) lonely,scared.I wasn’t being myself and neither was he. That’s what illness does. So cut yourself some slack .your human. He was human. If your feeling guilty about not gettin him to a doctor it shows you cared and loved him.If you didn’t feel much about it all then that would say you didn’t care.This is the hardest loneliest thing I’ve ever been thru and I am totally hating it.I am obsessing over photos at the minute! That’s my latest phase! Hope I haven’t ranted too much and helped a tiny bit.Your certainly not alone in this nightmare so keep chatting.no one will judge you.take it slow and steady.lots of sleep.you never know dreams can help make sense of things sometimes. Love.xxxx

Hello Colin. I’m new on here but I’ve noticed your posts and you seem very understanding and helpful obviously due to your own circumstances. My husband died on 30 November 2016 from mixed dementia and pneumonia. I was his full time carer. I feel like an alien at the moment. Things were very up and down since his death but I’ve just been dumped by my best friend as she can’t cope with my grief. This has set me back again. I thought she would always be there for me, as I would have been for her, but they say this can happen with friends. It’s a very big shock and I feel I’m grieving for the friendship along with my grief for my husband now.

Back to top