Sudden death of my mum

I’m 27 and my mum was my best friend. We did absolutely everything together. On February 12th this year I had just started getting ready to go shopping and cook lunch with my mum. My dad rang me and said I should get there quick, my mum had collapsed and her heart had stopped. Paramedics and doctors were there when I arrived. Later on at the hospital they broke the news that my mum had suffered a bleed on the brain. The next day they broke the news that the bleed was massive and there was nothing they could do. We had to turn the machines off on February 13th. My mum had gone. We had such a lovely send off on March the 7th but ever since then I feel lost and alone. It’s like the whole world is moving on and I’m stuck here. I have a massive hole inside of me and I’m constantly trying to fill it but I don’t know what I’m looking for? I go from being happy to sad to angry and heartbroken within minutes. The slightest thing upsets me. Up until my mum, I was really lucky and had never lost anyone close to me and now I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to be doing?

Dear Michaela

so sorry to hear about your mum and my heart goes out to you - from what I can gather the mood swings and the gaping hole are par for the course. Not sure if it’s any help but I’m much older than you and my mum died after a bicycle accident 6 months ago - I’m also not sure what I’m supposed to be doing; is there a right thing? You sound lost and confused but it’s no wonder - such a big thing has happened to you. Especially if you were close to your mum … Do you have people around you you can talk to? Are you talking to your Dad?

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I’m so sorry for you. I do have lots of people around me but I don’t feel like I can talk. Do you ever get the impression that when you talk about your mum people are thinking ‘are you not over it yet’? I do, all the time. I do speak to my dad but I’m not close to him at all. He’s upsetting me at the moment as we had all agreed to bury the ashes at the cemetry and now he’s changing his mind. I just need a place that I can go and sit to feel close to her. I just can’t see how I can ever move past this, does the pain get any easier? It physically hurts in my chest when I think about my mum