Hi, I recently lost my dad, who I wasn’t very close to as he was an alcoholic, it’s the only way I have ever known him. As a child we spent time together, loosing touch in my teenage years as I couldn’t handle the messages he sent me, recently, October 2022 I messaged him offering us to meet, just to add I never blocked contact from him, and still got abusive messages. We met and it was fabulous, he was so happy that I reached out, he was so lonely and just so sad. The weeks and months after I met him we had some good conversations over text, but I still received the drunken messages.
He has 4 siblings and only 1 was in contact before he passed, my uncle was fighting his corner for real help, my dad expressed that he wanted the help and he wanted to change in November, he’d never done this before. He was supposed to have his flat cleaned by the council on Thursday (16/02) but did not answer the door, he was so excited that they were coming. The council informed my uncle who called the police, nobody had heard from my dad for 5 days, they found him at his desk, he died from natural causes.
This is what gets to me, he sent me a few messages in recent months saying that he hopes to wake up dead, and even made a comment saying “don’t worry, by natural causes”
The last message I received from him said “I hope to wake up dead” on the 26th January, I feel so guilty for not replying, I always ignored the texts that were sent while he was drunk and learnt to never take them personally (because some of them were very nasty)
My heart is breaking for him, he was so alone, and I could have done more, I have moments where I feel that I have done the best I could in our situation, I’m so glad I met him in October, I just wish I knew how much he was going through and how sad and alone he really was, it doesn’t seem fair, I wanted to know who he was.