Sudden death

Me and my partner had a severe argument and he left our family home for a few weeks before his sudden death, our baby was 13 months at the time and On the night of June 28th 2022 I was trying to get hold of him but he was not replying to my messages, we had not separated just needed some space he was staying with a friend. He kept telling me he couldn’t cope without me and I was so wrapped up in the baby I just shrugged it off. The morning after of 29th June which was my birthday I called round at about 8am ad I was going to suggest we go for breakfast and talk but to my horror the door was ajar so I walked in and found him lying dead on his bed phone in one hand gripped tightly. He was cold and I knew he had been there for several hours, at the Inquest they said between 10pm and 12pm the night before which is the time I was trying to get hold of him so I just gave up and went to sleep. He had ended his life and he was gone. It’s been 9 months now and I feel worse now than ever I close my eyes at night and see him how I found him and it seems to be getting worse, why is it not getting easier? I have a full time job and a baby and I feel like my life is spiralling out of control

Oh @Becs84 , what a truly horrendous experience for you.
Life can be so very, very cruel at times.
In the scheme of things, 9 months is not really very long to adapt to life with a young baby and without your partner due to bereavement.
It probably feels worse as that feeling of shock and disbelief is so overwhelming in the beginning and it’s only as this subsides, that the reality of what you are dealing with, starts to filter through.
I can say absolutely nothing to make you feel any better.
Bereavement, whatever the cause, is just awful but, to me, bereavement due to a suicide is particularly cruel.
There will be other people on this site with far more experience of this than me who will be of more help to you , but I just wanted you to know you have been heard and my heart goes out to you.
Take care Becs.

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@Becs84 . I am so sorry you are going through this.
My husband’s death was very sudden too though not from suicide so I’m not suggesting it’s the same, however, he died in front of me so I have those awful images too.
That was almost 8 months ago and recently those images have flooded back and I find myself right there again and struggling to hold it together. I thought I’d gotten on a wee bit then boom!

I swing a lot towards the…this can’t possibly be real still. It cant be permanent and then right into those all too real images. I think my brain is just trying to make sense of it all. Someone posted a link the other day about how our brains need to keep revsiting these things until it reprograms itself which may help explain even if its still absolutely hellish! I’ll see if I can find the post.

Really i just want to say that you’re not alone xxx


This is the one May be worth a read.