I lost my father very recently. He was found in his home with a head injury as he fell. Witnessed certain things this week which I will carry with me for the rest of my life - unable to share this with people in case of further upset and in attempts to preserve dignity. He had a nice funeral and send off this week. Numbness feeling isn’t going away, frustration guilt and sadness as I wake up. Have watched youtube videos on grief which helps before sleep. But have no interest in doing anything which is an underlying fear this won’t go away long term. Wondering if I am still processing what happened, or will I enjoy anything anymore or if this is now me. Staying strong for the rest of the family and taking care of the day to days. But very much feels like a lonely space…
You will, I had this fear. I felt so weird and horrendous when my husband first died. It’s just the initial shock. It’s apparently your body’s way of protecting you, funny that when it actually makes you feel very weird.
You will start to feel yourself again it just takes time.
Thanks Kat.
I know people deal with things differently and more so than ever. Weird dreams, dealing with possessions, not knowing where to start. It is a numb-autopilot feeling
I can relate to the autopilot feeling. Nothing feels real during greiving does it, such an alien feeling and a bloody scary one at that!
People say it gets better in time but we are at the very early stages and it feels like we will never be happy again right now doesn’t it 
I’m sorry you are going through this journey, message me anytime x