I would like to talk to someone who has lost their partner unexpectedly and had no time to tell them how much they loved them and generally make good anything that needed to be said.
Richard
Hey i lost my mum 2 years ago very quickly and i still don’t know how to deal with this, it seems to never get easier
2 Likes
@RJK I am so sorry to read about your wife. You must of been in so much shock and numb. I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly at Christmas just gone. I went to work on the Saturday and Sunday I got a call from my son to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. He was only 53 years old. Like you I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye and that I love you.
I wrote my husband a letter with all the things I wanted to say and text him on his phone. I often speak out loud to him. To be honest I would never would want to say goodbye to him. Your wife knew that you loved her or you wouldn’t be together… every marriage has rows and arguments. I had plenty with my husband. Life indeed is unfair and cruel. I miss my husband so much and have a lot of trauma.
Take care and big hugs xx
4 Likes
Sporry to hear that. I console myself by thinking they would understand. I hope you have someone to help you like your doctor and people such as this community that we are part of. You are walking this road with lots of others. Dont give up.
1 Like
Thank you for your kind words. What you have described is just the same as the feelings and emotions i am going through.
I could never of imagined what grief realy felt like untill this happened. It is comforting to know i am not alone.
3 Likes
@RJK I lost my partner of 17 years just over 9 weeks ago. He had lost his mother almost a month prior to that and wasn’t coping well. The shock of losing her was, we feel, definitely part of what led to his sudden passing. We had plenty of arguments and fall outs like everyone does, particularly following her passing. Knowing now how awful grief feels, I could have been much more supportive, and that’s a guilt that weighs heavily on me. I hope he knew how much I loved, and needed him, despite the silly rows.
Whilst he had lung problems and his mobility was reduced due to this, he was only 46, and it was a massive shock to find him gone one Saturday morning. It was the most awful day and things have been so hard since, but there really is a huge amount of comfort to be drawn from the community here.
I managed to speak at his funeral; I felt I had to say my goodbyes properly somehow. I wrote him a card and put it on his coffin as he was cremated. Like Hazel, I talk to him constantly and text him throughout the day. It feels like I’m still chatting to him the way I would normally and brings me a sense of closeness in a strange way.
2 Likes
Thank you for your support.
Not being able to say goodby is a very cruel turn of events. I would have forgiven my wife almost anything and i console myself that she would feel the same. Its comforting to realise that all marriages have their good and bad times, but when your partner dies during a bad time it is the worst experience.
4 Likes
Hi there, i lost my husband 10 weeks ago, he wasnt ill atol except for that day, the gp said he had a chest infection. We had just moved home so i was putting some things away while he rested. He couldnt sleep for coughing so got up and i made him a cuppa and we sat down to watch a film. Half an hour later i was calling 999 and by time we got to a and e he was in cardiac arrest and gone an hour later. I have a lot of guilt as i was super stressed moving home, i have had lots of guilt moments this last 10 weeks, why was i arguing with him, why was i grumpy, what was so important that i couldnt just make sure he was ok. I hope your ok and have plenty support, i sadly dont have that much xxx
1 Like
Hello, thank you so much for your comments.
I to am going through the same feelings with regards to the death of my wife.
We where in the same situation, having just moved house to an area that my wife loved but i was not that enthusiastic about.
We had arguments and i know i should have behaved better but i did not in my wildest nightmares believe that she was about to die. We always got through our disagreements and ended up friends which is what happened. We went out for the evening and she suffered a massive stroke and collapsed in front of me. She was taken to AE but died a couple of hours later. Not being able to say goodby and i love you is the most terrible and cruel situation to find yourself in. I realy understand. I hope you can find support from your GP . It helps to know others are on this journey with you and understand what you are going through.
Take good care. XX
Sounds like you and i have went thru the exact same lives lately. Im 10 weeka in and still feel like this is a nightmare, i still hate where we live although i jave teied to make it home for his sake as he wanted here more than me. I have debated moving but i think it would be too much for me to deal with at moment. If you ever want to talk im always avaliable take good care xx
I think you have to let things settle down.
I was adamant that i wanted to move but my family and others persuaded me to not make hasty decisions. I havent and i think they are correct. What seems right today may not be right in the near future. I struggle living in my house now but i would struggle anywhere without my wife, so l will give it time. It will be 5 months for me since her death some days are better tha others, but it is going to be a long haul. But we have to get there.
X
i lost my husband 17 days ago to a cardiac arrest while we were in bed sleeping its like being in a nightmare i camt get that image out of my head 
Hello. Thank you for your message. I understand how you are feeling. My wife droped down in front of me as good as dead. And i to cant forget that moment, it was an ugly thing to see. I have been getting help from my GP in the form of having talks with him on some sort of regular basis and it has helped to a degree. He or she may ask you if you would like to speak to someone in the practice who can deal with mental issues. That is what happened to me. Revisiting and revisiting that awful moment is something you should tell the doctor. It is important.I hope you have family and friends that you can lean heavily on as support is so important and realy let your emotions out when you have to. I have cried so much in the last four months. The initial shock has lifted now but the sadness and the feelings of loss are still very much with me, but we must get through it an out the other side.
Take care
RJK XX
1 Like
I know what you mean. My wife died suddenly in March this year and i feel lost and without any purpose in life. It is the most awful situation to be in. I maybe very slowly coming to terms with it but at the moment the loss just haunts me every day.
Being on this website helps me appreciate that so many people are going through thre same thing and i believe we will come out the other end. I never got to say my goodbyes and tell her how much i loved her and for me that will be the most difficult thing to come to terms with.
Take care
RJK X
1 Like
Thinking of you. X
1 Like
Hello. Just wondering how you are getting on.
Sometimes i think i can cope and then like today the dark feeling’s overwelme me.
I need to look out for the triggers !
Hope you are getting the help you need
RJK.
1 Like
I lost my 46yr old husband in Nov 21 ,still cant get my head round the fact he went to hospital for a rash and swollen ankle !he called me to tell me not to panic but he’d had a fall in the bath ,that was the time I spoke to him 
I lost my husband suddenly December 2021. I still have bad days like today, im sat crying thinking why?
We had been married 52 years, he loved his garden and his birds. It broke my heart when i had to sell all the birds but with 6 aviaries i couldnt cope.
Im feeling really down, ive never been a gardening person but trying to keep on top of it now is a nightmare. He loved his tropical plants but it seems that no matter how much i try it never looks any better.
I have 4 children but they have their lives to live, they help me when they can. Im trying to freshen up the house as i intend selling next year and moving to something more manageable but even that feels overwhelming. I look at the room i am working on at the moment( bathroom) then think why bother.
Sorry for going on but really needed to offload.
I lost my husband suddenly 4 weeks ago and don’t know what to do. I am lost. It would be good to talk to people in a similar situation
1 Like
Bit delayed but 15 weeks ago my husband died suddenly no signs, symptoms or anything just dropped down dead. He was Belgium with a group of veterans. So closed coffin no goodbyes at all he left 2 days previously and that was my last goodbye