@Cattia the funeral plans keep you busy. After my partners funeral I felt worse than before, I think it brought things into reality more. People said it would bring a bit of closure but I felt worse so be prepared. I try to keep busy and not spend too long on my own. I’m sure your children will keep you busy, remember to look after yourself too. Hope the funeral goes well. I felt like it was the last thing I could do for my partner so that did help a little making sure it was right for him. Take care.
@nikki1979 that’s awful for you. I know what the guilt is like and not having the answers is so so hard, but we have to keep living our lives even though we don’t want to live the lives we’ve been left with, take care of yourself.
1 Like
@Jules24 Hi I understand what you’re going through. Lost my partner 3 months ago suddenly and unexpectedly. I have good days where I feel I can survive this followed by bad days where I feel unable to process the loss and overwhelming sadness. I’m now having CBT through the NHS and I recommend you look to see what services you can get to help you with this awful journey we are on
Thank you. Yes it’s certainly a rollercoaster. I had no choice in his untimely death so I try to make a choice every day to live my life in his honour. Some days are definitely easier than others!
4 Likes
Hello all, so sorry for respective loses. The journey is certainly unpredictable. Lost my partner of 19 years 30 Dec 2023. First weeks an absolute haze of sorting everything. Now, 10 weeks later - so lonely, tearful and unpredictable. One minute ok, the next, depths of despair, just unexplainable. I do take comfort from others who can describe this so much better on this site, so thank you. I do wonder what the future is for sure, but have support from local friends and family (who live away) … problem is, they can’t bring Jeff back!! And some friends have vanished which I predicted (so maybe they aren’t friends?).
So, let’s get through this horrid time together👍 and I think that to have these such deep feelings and grief is a good thing - better than not having them - shows our honesty, loving, compassion & complete ability to love. The love will never go by us or our sadly lost one …. Will be ok xx
3 Likes
I lost my wife of 32 years 4 weeks ago. She was still working in school on the Wednesday, came home, complained of a chesty cold but would not go to the doctors, by Friday evening I has to take her to Shrewsbury A&E, where they discovered she had a chest infection that had developed into pneumonoia and sepsis, she passed way in the early hpours of Saturday morning. I took her in Friday evening and walked out Saturday morning with a plastic bag with her clothes in, her phone and her handbag. I am still completly heartbroken and don’t know how i’m going to get through it. I have lost my wife, my best friend, my rock. Everywhere I look I find things we were doing together. Now we’ve had the funeral I realize I will never see her again, I’m so sad.
9 Likes
Aw … sad story …when did you lose your wife ? Its honestly the worst thing that can happen to us to lose our partner. I miss my husband so much. I wish i had gone with him … there seems to be no point to life anymore does there ? I dunno why this had to happen to us ? Life is so fragile and we just dont realise it ;( take care xx
3 Likes
She died on the 10th Feb, I just cant accept that I will never see her again, it’s so unfair, we had so much left to do together and now I’ll never see her again. I cant stop crying.
2 Likes
Aw … thats not long ago you know. It takes time just to get your head around it. Try lean on family and friends early days for you so ofcourse you are sad … its awful losing our partner 
its the worst thing. I was told in those early days - if you want to cry just cry xx
1 Like
Gosh that’s very recent and raw. You’re local so if you need someone to chat stuff though with, let me know. I lost my husband on the 2nd Jan. He was taken to Wrexham but could equally have been Shrewsbury. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to get your head around so being able to offload here is hugely helpful.
2 Likes
@Vixen I’m so sorry that you lost your husband suddenly and unexpectedly as well. Life is so unfair and cruel. They have been robbed of their lives and we have been robbed of our future and plans. I have also been diagnosed of PTSD and had some EMDR therapy which helped a little. The best help I have had is on here as met up with some lovely people in the same storm as me. Do take care of yourself and reach out when you need too. Big hugs xx
6 Likes
I too very suddenly and unexpectedly lost my partner of 31 years in January and I can say my feelings are like yours; the funeral was 2 weeks ago and now the days seem endlessly stretching before me. My life was inextricably bound up with hers, all our decisions (and indecisions) were jointly taken and so her input is sorely missed. Knowing I will never hold her hand or hear her voice again is soul destroying. I’m blessed with a loving family but they cannot feel this pain that grabs so hard.
4 Likes
@Nimrod yes it feels like an eternity we have in front of us without them. I have good days where I get something positive achieved but on the bad days I’m crippled.
3 Likes
I am struggling so much with the sudden shock of my husbands death. He too had heart failure but was then in a coma for 10 days before they told us he would never wake. I have flash backs to the night he collapsed and the CPR that I tried to do which didn’t save him. I feel to blame & can’t stop thinking how if I’d been quicker or better at CPR he might have lived. I can’t process how he was talking to me at 5.00 but that by 6.00 he would never wake again and our world had gone.
6 Likes
Please try not to carry blame or guilt. I had the same experience. I too was unable to save him doing CPR, nor could my brother who is a doctor or the defib machine or paramedics. My husband was wearing a Fitbit and when I checked it, it was actually very reassuring because it shows that there was nothing anyone could have done. I am trying to take comfort from the fact that it was swift, painless, he wouldn’t have known what was happening, I was with him throughout and he was at home. All those things are helping me to deal with the way he died.
If you can find any glimmer of comfort from the situation, please try to cling to it to help you carry on x
4 Likes
Jules
I lost my wife Bobby in January
I feel your pain. Bobby passed away so suddenly that I still can’t believe she is gone.
When the reality of this hits me I am totally numb I just break down crying
Everyone is telling me that this is normal but it doesn’t seem normal to me who was a very outgoing confident person
Iam so lost without her
2 Likes
Yes, lost my Jeff end December. And the journey is just horrid - I had no idea. Busy to begin with, but now so lost & lonely. Confidence all but gone, it is scary. Try to write down my worries and small successes daily; with a view to looking back, smiling and proud - I hope so. Day to day.
Sending hugs 
.
3 Likes
I couldn’t agree more about the having to 'coach ’ people on talking about my husband - he was part of their lives too.
Thinking of you x
1 Like
You hit the nail on the head -you are so lost without her. The entire landscape of your life has had a volcanic collapse. My wife of 32 years died suddenly in January and I still cry every day for the same reason, I miss her and all her endearing ways, not to mention her clothes in the wardrobes. This is all normal for us all now.
4 Likes
Journalling was recommended to me by my grief counsellor and it has been useful. I have to admit that on the days when I’m really bad and everything collapses, then so does the journalling but she says that is fine - it’s because my mind can’t function. It’s fine.
I find that writing things down helps in a couple of ways:
- it records the process so that I can look back to see how I’ve made small steps
- writing things down gets it onto the paper and out of my head
- sometimes in the act of writing I will write something without thinking - or something will pop into my head - and it never would have done so if I hadn’t been doing this.
For the same reason, I also find talking helps. It’s while talking to someone that I’ll suddenly realise something - or that the answer was there, but I just couldn’t see it. I had a really big “Eureka!” moment like that this morning when I was talking to a girl at work.
6 Likes