I do not know why, but my brain has changed a bit. I am a bit calmer but I also feel empty now, bit like a zombie. I had it at the beginning, the day my brother died. No idea if it is a good sign but I do not like it. I guess I cannot win. Perhaps it is because I have not talked to fiends for a while. ?? Cause and effect? Perhaps it is because I do not get much sleep at the moment. I am so tired but I cannot sleep. - Did anyone else had this problem? (It is 2 years and 6 month for me now.)
Oh Nick. I have buried my head for the past week or so and I am really sorry not to have noticed you had messaged. Perhaps you are feeling a bit brighter now but I can certainly relate to the emptiness feeling. I have read that sometimes the second year is worse than the first for loss. The thing with siblings is that we are grieving for both loss of the past, the present and loss of the future.
For me, it has been the second month anniversary of Stuartās passing and I decided to text him to let him know I missed him. I then promptly got even sadder when I saw my message hadnāt even been delivered, let alone answered - not sure what I was expecting really.
how are you coping? It is easy to hide away, but I found it does not help. (I have tried it.) Do you have contact with your friends? Your brain will probably change a bit over the next few months, but it is normal. I found the best therapy is to be with other people. I missed that bit and it might have prolonged everything. (Two years and six months for me now.) It took me many months to join groups. - So many people know my name now. My brain still has problems to remember other peopleās names. - Not all people go through the second year, but I did. My depression did set in after 14 months, but it is not so bad now.
Do you have friends you can talk to? If not, you can always write here.
Thought Iād drop by and see how you are. Iāve been really busy at work and exhausted by the time I get home so not much time to dwell on things but Iām sure itāll catch up on me soon.
nice to hear from you. I hope you get enough rest. Take it easy if you do not have much energy. Please make sure you get enough sleep. I had some problems and I am taking Sleepeaze now but only one table a night. Much better now. I still have anxiety symptoms but they are getting slowly better now and my panic attacks are right down. I have joined a jigsaw group and we meet once a week. It feels like doing something. (I have too much time to think.)
How is your brother doing? Any news on the toxicology report?
Iāve never been a particularly good sleeper. About once a fortnight Iāll take an extra strong drowsy antihistamine at night to try and reset my body clock.
My poor brother hasnāt been looking after himself. Stopped taking his diabetic meds, been drinking heavily, and suffering painful consequences as a result. Off work again. I donāt know how mum is managing to deal with this. I just offer support at arms length which is not good, I know, but I have to look after myself.
Tell me more about the jigsaw club - do you get in groups and tackle one big one?
I had an uncle who only drank when he was alone. I talked to my cousin about a tear ago and suspect that he is also an alcoholic. I could not have a proper conversation with him. I just looked it up and found āalcoholism is approximately 50% attributable to geneticsā.
I did drink for some time after my brother died and I liked it a bit too much. I did not have to think so much and everything looked a bit better. I noticed it after about two months and stopped drinking. (My mother too liked a drink or two each evening.) I am down to one or two a week now, but not every week.) The last time I had a drink was on the 6th of September and it was on my brotherās birthday. (Well, it would have been.)
I can only guess that your brother liked his brother so much that he has problems coping now. (I am still struggling and it is now more than two and a half years now.) Do you have some time to spend with your brother? Even a phone call might help.
My help is an old friend (88) on Jitsi Meet. We do not talk all the time but he is there on the other side of Jitsi. (In case you do not know, Jitsi Meet is a video conferencing website and it is free.) - About Jitsi Meet | Free Video Conferencing Solutions ā you have to make up some words and add it to the jitsi link. - Word1Word2Woerd3ā¦ (The capital letter at the beginning of a word splits up the words when displayed on the screen. (Let me know if you have problems.)
Perhaps you and your brother could use Jitsi too. You can run it all day long of you want. - well, perhaps after work. (I am lucky, I am retired now.) - Please try it out. I do not know where I would be now if I had not found Jitsi.
Thanks for reminding me about antihistamines, I have to get some. I have not taken any for several months now.
The jigsaw club is each Monday for 2.5 hours. Most of the jigsaw puzzles are 500 pieces and we manage to finish them most of the time. The other day we even finished it in two hours. There are normally 3 or 4 to of us.
It is organizes by our local community support group. I also have a meal there each Tuesday. We also talk Saturdays and have a cup of coffee and a bacon sandwich. Have a look if you have something like it near you.